I can hear them yelling at me to come down but I tune their voices out. I think of what would happen if I did jump right now. Would anyone care? Would anyone notice I was gone? I think about it for awhile because I'm not sure. I don't know if this is the right choice for me but I know it won't matter to anyone else what happens to me. They won't mind it'll just be one less person in the world. "Skylar! Please come away from the edge." I hear Noah say behind me. "Sky please? Don't do this." I'm debating wether or not to listen to Noah. We've known each other for almost 3 years now. We tell each other everything, he knows I've tried killing myself before. He knows how I feel and I realize that I didn't think once of him while standing on the edge of the roof of the apartment building I live in. I'm about to step back when I feel Noah's arms wrap around me. And I feel him slowly backing away from the edge, I can feel the tears running down my face and I feel so embarrassed even though Noah has seen me cry many times before. I break free of Noah's embrace and run past him towards the stairs. I race down them and rush into my apartment and lock the door. I lean against my bedroom door and slowly slip down and I'm now sitting on the floor. My mom isn't home and I'm thankful. I sit and cry until my head starts to hurt. I don't know when but I slowly fall asleep. When I wake up I am in my bed. I know Noah must have come in to check on me. I get up and check the time it's almost dinner time so I go wash my face. I look at myself in the mirror, my dirty blonde hair is up in a messy bun and my dark, chocolate brown eyes are all red and puffy. My skin is reddish and blotchy from crying so much. I slowly crack open my door and check to see if anyone is home. The TV is on and the volume is loud. There's a basketball game on, but my mom never watches basketball. It must be her boyfriend. I quietly walk to the kitchen to see if mom made anything. All I see is a sink full of dirty dishes. I sigh and begin to wash them because I know my mom won't. I think about what happened just a few hours earlier, I was about to jump off the roof of a ten story building. I didn't even think about how it would affect Noah. After all he is the only person who really would care because my mother never showed any sign of affection towards me. I don't know why but ever since my father left us she's stopped acting as if I'm her daughter, she doesn't bother doing anything for me, she's barely ever home so I never see her anymore. "Hey," Noah says quietly. I look up to see him leaning against the kitchen counter. "Hi Noah." He stares at me for awhile before saying "How do you feel?" I study his face, his bright blue eyes staring straight into mine. His hair is a light brown color that shapes itself perfectly to suit him, he has a very strong jawline that makes him look a lot more attractive. Noah is a good looking guy but I don't like him in that way. "I guess I'm better now." I dry my hands with the tea towel hanging on the handle of the oven. I walk into the living room to find my mother and her so called 'boyfriend' asleep on the couch. I turn around and walk back to my room and Noah follows me. We sit on my bed and don't talk for a little bit. Finally he looks up at me and asks "Why?"
"What do you mean 'why'?"
"Why were you on the roof about to jump off the edge?" He asks, he sound like he's a little mad.
"You know why..."
"Sky, I've told you before but I'm telling you again. We can get you help, there are plenty of resources for you! We can talk to the school councilor about what you're going through!"
"Noah! You know I don't want help!"
"But you need it... This is the fourth time Sky. You promised it would never happen again."
"I know Noah, I'm sorry. I don't know how it happened this time. One moment I was in my room and the next I was on the roof!"
Noah pulls me into a hug, "Oh Sky! Please stop this. Do you have any idea what would have happened to me if you had jumped?"
"I'm sorry Noah." I can feel the weight of the guilt on my chest. Noah is my best friend, well more than that but we have a very strong bond between us. I hate this feeling of knowing how much I upset him. Noah and I sit in my room for a long time and we talk. We talk about everything as the hours pass by, it's almost 2 in the morning when I realize I didn't have dinner. Noah hears my stomach grumble, "Are you hungry?" Noah asks. "Yeah," I say. "Come on let's go get something to eat." We go out and get in to Noah's car. He got his license last month, he still insists on driving me everywhere even though I prefer to walk. We drive through town and try to find a restaurant that is still open. We pull into the parking lot of this new diner that just opened last week. Noah leads me inside and we sit down at one of the booths. The waitress comes over and hands a menu to each of us. I order pancakes and Noah orders hot chocolate for us. As we wait for our food to arrive, someone walks in through the entrance. It's Aubrey and Ryan Grayson, they haven't noticed us yet but I know they will. "Noah can we please leave?" I plead. "No, it's okay Skylar. They won't say anything." I look at them again and they are walking straight towards me. Aubrey looks me straight in the eye. "Well look who it is, Skylar White. And Noah Sky, what are you doing here with her?" She looks at me with disgust. Noah gives me a worried look, "I don't need to tell you anything." Aubrey raises her eyebrows "I think someone still doesn't know that you shouldn't get on my bad side." I feel a burning rage rising inside me. "You know what Aubrey? He's here with me because he wants to be. And I don't know how it's any of your business but I think you should leave us alone now! Oh, and I wonder what Dylan would say if he knew you and Ryan were here at this time..." Her jaw drops. "That's none of your business! And besides at least Ryan came with me willingly." Noah gets up and grabs my hand and storms out of the diner, but not before I here her say to Ryan louder than she needs to "I wish she had died the first time she tried." Noah tells me to get into the car, he drives for what seems like hours and he doesn't talk. At some point I fell asleep and I wake up in his room. I sit up and look around. His room looks the same as always, the walls are covered in posters of cars and there are clothes scattered everywhere. I get up and see that he brought some of my clothes over. I look over at the clock on his nightstand. School starts in 10 minutes. I get up grab my clothes and rush into the bathroom to change because I don't have time to shower. I look through his drawers for some of my makeup because I know I've left some of it here before. I find it and quickly apply some mascara and concealer. In the living room Noah is asleep on the couch. "Noah! It's Monday! We have school." I shout while throwing a t-shirt at him. "Huh? What? Okay I'm coming." He says as he sits up. I go to his kitchen and grab an apple off the counter and I go into the pantry and grab two cereal bars. Noah yells at me "Hurry up we're gonna be late Skylar!" I run to the door and almost trip in the process. Noah and I reach school almost in time, we run into class just after the bell rings. "Skylar, Noah, I'm glad you could join us. Please take your seats." Mr. Basker nods at us. Noah and I walk to the back of the room, on my way Aubrey sticks her foot out making me trip and drop my books. The whole class bursts out laughing and I glare at Aubrey while she looks at me with a smirk plastered on her face. I quickly gather my things and sit down. Mr. Basker starts the lesson. Math is my only class with Noah other than art. At lunch I look for Noah, I see him standing in the lunch line with Adrian, Justin and Clarissa. I go over to them and when I get there Clarissa glares at me. "Bye Noah I'm not very hungry anymore so I'm gonna go hangout with my other friends. Are you guys coming?" she asks Justin and Adrian. They look at me and say "Yeah we'll see you later Noah." They walk away muttering something along the lines of "I can't believe she even came to school after that! Isn't she embarrassed?" I look at Noah, "I'm sorry." He says with hurt eyes. "It's okay, it's not your fault it's mine." I tell him as I try and hold back my tears. "What did Aubrey tell them?" I ask him. "Nothing actually, apparently it was on the news that you..." He stops, knowing it'll hurt me if he says it. "How?" I gulp. "I don't know. Maybe one of the people who were watching you called them?" I think about how I probably created a huge scene by standing on the edge of the roof. "Noah?" I ask. "Yeah Sky?"
"Will you drive me home? Like right now?"
Noah looks at me worriedly. "Are you okay Sky?"
I tell him the truth "No Noah, actually I'm not."
"Okay let's go then." We go out to his car and we don't talk much on the way to my house. Once we get there Noah tells me he'll come check on me after school. I don't take the elevator today because I know there will be at least one person who will give me a dirty look and ignore me. So I take the stairs all the way to my floor. I unlock the door and drop my bag on the floor in the living room. I walk to my room after stopping in the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. I open up my laptop and log into my Facebook, something I haven't done for a long time now. I have many new notifications. I've been tagged in photos of me on the roof, and there are comments on my own photos asking about what's wrong with me and why I want to kill myself. I check who posted the first comment. It was Aubrey. She posted 'You know, I almost cried when I found out you didn't jump. I wish had you had. Everyone else in the world would be a lot better off without you!'. Following that were so many more comments from other kids saying the same thing. I log out and then I slip under the covers on my bed. I wish I hadn't logged onto Facebook, I just can't believe people can say things like that. Suddenly I'm overcome by the urge to cry. I try not to, I hold back my tears for as long as I can. But now, I let them stream down my face freely. I cry and cry and cry. My head hurts, my face feels hot and my nose is runny. I get up and grab a tissue, I blow my nose and sit down at my desk. I get out a piece of paper, on that piece of paper I write. I write about all the horrible things people have said to me, about how I feel when people glare at me, about how much it hurts when they say things about me or when they look at me as if I'm something unwanted by anyone, something ugly. I write about how I don't know what I've done to deserve this, about how people treat me and lastly I write about how there only ever was one person who really did care about me. Noah. I get out another piece of paper and write about Noah, about how we met, about how he helped me, about how I feel around him and about how much I really do love him for everything he's done for me, I write how thankful I am for Noah. I take out an envelope and put the letters in it, then I seal it closed and on the outside I write: Noah Sky. I write to Noah because I know that Noah is the one who will find me, Noah is the one who will cry for me, Noah is the one who will hurt for me. I make my bed and put the envelope on top of my pillow. Then I walk into the bathroom and lock the door. I open the medicine cabinet and I take the bottle of sleeping pills out and dump them into my hand. Before I put them in my mouth, I whisper "Thank you Noah Sky." I swallow all of the pills. Then I wait, I don't wait long because I can feel myself slipping into darkness, I see myself one last time in the mirror before I close my eyes and fall to the ground embraced by a peaceful silence.
~Noah~
I walk into Skylar's room calling her name. I had to stay after class to talk to the teacher about my grades. I look around her room and it looks as neat as always. I walk over and knock on the bathroom door. No answer, I call for Sky but she doesn't answer. I try the doorknob. Locked. I look around her room again and notice an envelope on her pillow. I pick it up, my name is on it. I open it and take out a few sheets of paper. I recognize the handwriting, it's Skylar's. I read the letters and I get an empty feeling in my heart. I run to the bathroom and rattle the doorknob yelling her name. "Skylar! Skylar please. Open the door!" I go and grab a bobby pin from her dresser and use it to pick the lock. I swing open the door and see her. She's lying on the floor. She looks like she's asleep. There's an empty bottle of sleeping pills on the floor beside her. I shake her by her shoulders and plead. "Skylar! Sky, wake up! Please. Please Skylar! Wake up!" There are tears streaming down my face now and they won't stop. They won't stop because I know she's gone. She's never coming back. I start to cry even harder now because I realize I never got to tell her I knew how she felt, I'd tried to kill myself before too, I'd been in the same position as her before. I wanted to show her that her life was worth living and that she mattered. But now she's gone and I'll never be able to tell her. "Goodbye, Skylar White."
