Trapped Behind Words: InuOkko

Chapter 18: Remember

Yuta was astonishing. The new timeline held so many new things to offer. But Toge couldn't help feeling uneasy. Was it really alright to be with Yuta? Toge didn't know if he was pressuring Yuta too much.

After the failed attempt at reliving his past, Toge thought the only logical option was to live life how he wanted. The goal was to make Yuta happy, wasn't it? But was kissing Yuta the right choice? He knew it was probably a bad idea to ever tell Yuta the truth about experiencing another timeline, but was it ethical to keep that from him?

The blades had all been removed from Yuta's wall easily. After several tutorials, they patched up the wall and left it to set. Spackle was tricky to use, but since most of the holes were rather narrow, Toge was able to fill them smoothly.

"You know, you don't have to leave now that we're done. We could watch another movie if you want? You fell asleep during Star Wars, so maybe something a little more engaging?" Yuta asked.

The pale man's dark hair flopped over his brow as he spoke. He was a bit more carefree than the Yuta Toge had first met. This version had a bit more confidence, maybe it was more of an alternative universe then? It was all just semantics, but it was important. If the Okkotsu Yuta sitting next to him on the couch was from an alternate reality, then it really was Toge's second love.

There wasn't a clear way to tell. Toge didn't exactly understand anything about time and space, nor did he want to attempt to learn about it unless it was by watching Steins;Gate. Would Yuta hate him if he found out?

"Hey? Hey Toge? Are you doing okay?" Yuta asked.

Toge jolted back to attention.

"Sorry about earlier, again. I know you said it was okay, but it was kind of a lot. I'd understand if you wanted to leave," Yuta said.

Toge shook his head.

"So, it's really okay?" Yuta asked.

Toge tried to think of a way to convey that he was more than fine with kissing Yuta again. He didn't want to be too pushy. The day was still young. There was a lot of time to do anything. They didn't have to stay inside, but maybe that was better for the new Yuta? Maybe bringing him out so casually the first time around.

"A-Ag..." Toge tried to speak; it wasn't as easy as it had been with the other Yuta.

"You don't need to force yourself, really. I appreciate you trying to make me comfortable, but I'm not uncomfortable with the way we have been communicating. Let me adjust for you, that way you don't have to do all the work, 'kay?" Yuta asked.

He was too cute. It was overpowering. He didn't have to be so giving all the time. That's how the other Yuta was too. But the other Yuta wanted to act strong for Toge. If there was a chance the new Yuta would think of himself as weak, that needed to change.

"Again," Toge said.

Yuta's face flushed crimson, "Again? Like, kiss again? That really isn't necessary."

Toge grunted, taking his phone from his pocket to type the message, "Do it again until you're not sorry."

Yuta's ocean eyes fluttered. He seemed to be shocked. Was it too much? Probably so, but Toge didn't care. All he wanted was Yuta. The new Yuta or the old Yuta. Both were special even if they were different people.

"I mean, we can. I just don't know what to think of all this. It's kind of a lot. I want to, but I don't want to overcomplicate things since we really just met," Yuta said.

Toge wanted to say, "But I love you," though that didn't seem fair or accurate. Toge knew that the Yuta he loved was gone or at least out of grasp. This Yuta couldn't go, and if he did, Toge would find him again. Over and over until they could just be together.