Shattered....

Chapter 3

So..... Seeing that Tlhokomelo's phone is not connecting, I decided to change out of my school uniform and get my bag from the kitchen and get busy with school work. I couldn't bring myself to concentrate on my homework because I was bothered by the fact that his phone is going straight to voicemail. I forced myself to just keep it together and finish up my school work. I was home alone that day and suddenly, Tlhokomelo decided to call me, I was nervous and relieved all at the same time so I answered the call. "Hello?". I said calmly. "Hey". He said, sounding calm and kind of disturbed. "I saw all your missed calls, so I thought that I should get back to you..... Uhm.... Look.. There's something I need to tell you. Do you remember my ex girlfriend that I told you about?.. The thing is, her and I are back together so you and I.. We can't see each other anymore because she's back in my life". "Seriously?!... So you're dumping me?". "Yeah.. I'm sorry". "I can't believe you". I hanged up.. I couldn't believe what he had just said to me.. How could he do that to me.. Over the phone... Is he really a coward?.... I was upset and hurt, tears started falling out of my eyes all the way down to my cheecks. I felt like broken, like I was taken for granted. It felt like our relationship meant nothing to him at all. Did he realize how much I love him and how much I've fallen for him. I packed my books neatly and put them away. I sat in my room thinking about how things are gonna be between us. How will I ever get over him, will I ever stop loving him and will I end up hating him. I felt so down.

The following day, I decided to call him and ask him why he did what he just did. He can't just do that!!! It's not fair.. I deserve a fair and well reserved explanation. I dialed his number.. I didn't think that he would answer but he did answer my call. "Hello?". "Tlhokomelo.. What the hell is wrong with you.. Why are you leaving me?... Did I do something wrong or is there something wrong with me?". "Okay.. Look just calm down.. Like I told you yesterday that my ex girlfriend is back into my life, so I can't keeping seeing you". "Oh really?.. And you just had to do it over the phone and not tell me in person". "I couldn't bring myself to tell you in person". "Why are you doing this?... Huh??... Why.. Is there something wrong with me.. I need you to tell me what the problem is...I guess I was never good enough for you and I guess our relationship and everything that happened between us was a big fat disastrous lie! ".
" Okay.. Okay, listen. Kea, the reason why I did what I did is because I love you. I feel like I'm standing in the way of your studies. Ever since you and I started dating.. You've always been busy with school work.. You cancel our plans, our dates because you have school work to do and eleventh grade is very hard and needs much time and dedication, so I feel like I'm standing in your way...and I can see how dedicated you are to your school work.. I just don't want to be the reason you jeopardized your education, your future. I still want to be there for you and I care about you. You're the most amazing and phenomenal girl I've ever met, it's just that I feel like I'm standing in the way of your education...I don't want anything to happen to you that could ruin your future.. I care about you too much to let that happen. I'm sorry for breaking your heart and for hurting your feelings, but I did what I did because I love you".

"Tlhokomelo.. But why did you have to hurt me like that? Why couldn't you tell me in person?". "Because I couldn't.. I couldn't watch you get hurt because of me, I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. I care about you so much.. Look Kea.. I just think we need to take a little break from each other.. I'm really sorry for hurting you like this, it wasn't intentional at all... But I promise you that I'm not going anywhere.. I'll still be here for you whenever you need anything or whenever you need to see me, okay.. I love you and I care about you". Tlhokomelo sounded so serious and so sincere.. So straightforward. I wondered if he actually meant what I said. "But Tlhoks.. We could've talked about it, like we always do.. There was no need for you to do what you just did, irregardless of how hurt I was gonna be.. And do you really want us to take a break from each other.. Are you afraid of hurting me or loving me?"." I do love you and I care about you too much to tell you in person.. I couldn't bring myself to tell you in person because this hurts me as much as it is hurting you.. Don't worry.. I'm not going anywhere.. I'll always be there for you". "If you think that's the right thing to do.. Or probably the best thing to do, then okay.. We can take a break". "I'm not doing this hurt you.. I just feel like I'm not able to do a lot things with you like other couples do and again, I feel like I'm standing in the way of your education. I've been thinking about this for a while and I think it's the best thing to do"."I guess you're right though.. It's the best thing to do". "Take care of yourself Kea.. I'll always be there for you and I love you". "I love you too". He hung up the phone.
After that long conversation over the phone.. I was in deep thought, I thought about everything that he said.. About how he feels like he's standing in the way of my education, about he feels like he can't do other things with me like other couples. I didn't know how to feel or how to react to everything that he'd just said. Tears started falling slowly out my eyes.. Pouring out like hot lava slowly pouring out of an active volcano. I just couldn't believe what he just did.. Is there any other guy in this world that would do what Tlhokomelo just did because I'm speechless. He deserves a standing ovation.

That day I couldn't sleep.. I just couldn't concentrate.. I was just traumatized. Almost two weeks went by without hearing a single word from him or seeing any sign of him. I hoped and hoped that he would call me and check up on me, but he didn't. I cried almost every day, crying for Tlhokomelo and just hoping that he would come back. I felt like I was falling apart (in fact I was falling apart.. I was seeing myself falling apart). I didn't know what to do, what to say and who to talk to. One night, I was about to take a bath and I was undressing, it was around 9pm... I received an unexpected call... (An unexpected from Tlhokomelo).. You know, everytime my phone rang I hoped that it would be him and this time it was him. I answered his call. "Hey babe". "Hey". It was like a moment of relief to get a call from him. "How are you?.. I thought that I'd check up on you"."I'm fine Tlhoks". "Are you sure you okay?". "Really.. I am fine". "Baby.. Are you sure?". "Actually... I'm not okay.. I haven't been okay since the last time we spoke.. I'm not okay, honestly". "I'm really sorry.. But you'll be fine.." "I hope so too". "So what are you up to now?". "I was just about to take a bath after a long day of school". "Okay.. Well I hope you have a nice bath.. I love you". "I love you too". He hung up the phone.. And I just wondered to myself that he did really mean it when he said "I'm not going anywhere.. I'll always be here for you". So I guess he does really care about me and he really does love me. I was relieved that he finally called me. That night I went to bed exceedingly happy and relieved and it was Friday night. What I also didn't realize that he called me on Friday which was approximately two days or probably he less before his birthday. The following morning.. I woke up feeling good and a whole lot better, I felt like I didn't have to drown in my sorrows again. I had already bathed and done my house chores. So... He called me again and I was outside combing my hair so that I don't get any of my hairs in the house, so I combed my hair outside. I answered my phone and realizing that my grandma is sitting on the bench not to far from me, yeah.. I went inside the house. "Hey". "Hey....I just saw you combing your hair". "Wait... What?!... Really?... Where are you?". "I'm passing your home". "I went to the living room and quickly peeped out the window.. And there he was.. I waved my hand at him and he waved back." So I guess you saw me". "Yeah I saw you". "Anyway.. I gotta go.. I love you". "I love you too". "Bye". "Bye". We both hung up.. I still wondered.. Are we supposed to be talking to each other like nothing happened,like we're not taking a break from each other?...Beats me.

Tlhokomelo's birthday was on Sunday on the 22nd of October and on that Sunday, he asked me to to come to his place so that we can spend the afternoon together and also probably sort out this weird tension and negative energy that's going on between us. I was nervous as I walking to his place.. What if he decides to break up with me or what if he decides that it's useless to take a break from each other, we should just continue where we left off. There was only one way to find out. I arrived at his place and I knocked on the door [Door knocks] "Come in!". I went in and I found him sitting on the couch waiting for me.. The minute he saw me, it felt like he was dreaming.. I loved how excited and yet calm he was to see me. "Hi". "Hey". We hugged for a few seconds and then we sat down on the couch. "How are you?". "I'm alright.. And happy birthday by the way". "Thanks.. Uhm.. Kea.. I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry for what I did.. What I did was not intentional.. I just felt like, you and I.. I can't do other things with you because you're always busy with school work and you're always at school. And again.. I just felt like I'm standing in the way of you and school.. That's why I thought that it's best if we took a little break from each other. I thought about this for a while and every time I thought of telling you, I felt like bursting into tears". "You know, you really did hurt me.. You should've been honest with me.. You should've told me the real reason why you wanted us to take a break and not telling me that you and your ex have gotten back together...... I.....you made me feel like there's something wrong me, like I'm not good enough for you.. I though that you really did want to leave me". He held my hand and looked deep into my eyes and said.. "I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry that I made you feel that way, I didn't know how else to tell you, there's absolutely nothing with you and I wouldn't change a single thing about you. You're perfect just the way you are and I love you like that". "You should've told me in person irregardless of how much it was going to hurt me". "I know that.. And I'm so sorry... I now realize that there's no need for us to take a break". He hugged me for a few seconds and he slowly landed his lips on mine and we gently kissed. It felt so good. I felt like we haven't kissed in ten years or even more. He paused for a moment and said "Do you forgive me?". "Yes I do forgive you". I replied and kissed me again. His lips were as soft as a marshmallow.

Tlhokomelo was a very sensitive guy and very sincere. Whenever he would say something, he would mean it and be sincere about it. He was a straightforward person and was not a smooth talker like other guys out there. He was perfect just the way he was,dark and tall and very intimidating like a monstrous lion coming from afar.