Shattered....

Chapter 4

We kissed and made up on his birthday and he was turning 23 years old that day. We decided to continue our relationship and see where it ends, its destination. Some months went by and I was in my matric year. That year was the most hectic year of my life. Passing my twelveth grade and obtaining matric certificate and making my family was now my top priority. Not only my family but Tlhokomelo too.. He counted on me and he believed in me. In that same year, Tlhokomelo got a new job in town and had to move, I was afraid that it was going to put a strain on my relationship with him but it didn't. Of course he had family in the neighborhood and he promised me that he would come on weekends so that we could spend some time together and catch up. We met on weekends and spent time together. Like all couples we would argue sometimes and be mad at each other but we would end up sorting things out and everything would go back to normal

So one Saturday, in the afternoon, I decided to go check up on him since he was around. I went to his place and I found him all alone. It was a bit cold and rainy that day. We sat on the couch and we talked a little bit. He got up and went to his room to change his shoes since it was cold, I followed him to his room and we sat on the bed and still continued talking. He slowly leaned in and kissed me slowly, he then paused for a bit and looked me in the eyes and he kissed me again. He placed his hand on my thigh and he gently moved his hand along my upper inner thigh. I was wearing grey tights and a dusty pink top that day. He continued to kiss me for a little while until he slowly pushed me on the bed. I was getting nervous and my heart started pounding. I was hoping that, that would not be the day he was going to break my virginity because I was not ready. I loved Tlhokomelo with every living piece in me but I was not ready for that moment to happen just yet. He slowly got top me and he started kissing me intensely. We tossed and turned until he started taking my tights off me. I was scared to death. I just felt like all of this is happening too fast for me. He took off my tights and he slowly started kissing me from head to toe.. He slowly spread my legs apart and he started muffing me.. I felt his tongue on my clitoris, as he was playing around with it. I didn't know how to feel. Whether to feel sexually aroused, whether to scream or yell or cry.. I just didn't know how to feel that day. Everything happened so fast.

"How does that feel?". He said calmly. "Aroused". I replied to him. He continued to muff me until it got a little darker outside. And then he started undressing, I panicked and I decided to stop him, to stop the moment from happening. "I'm not ready for this.. For us to be intimate". I said to him as he stopped kissing me and undressing. He paused for a moment.. I thought he was going to start persuading me to get intimate with him or eventually force himself on me but then he didn't. "It's okay babe.. I understand". He said. He continued to kiss me and then he stopped. After that we got dressed and I asked him to walk me home. I could see it in his eyes that he wanted that moment to happen.. I just wasn't ready. It's too soon. I couldn't stop thinking about that day. The day he he started undressing me and....... You get the point. I was severely traumatized. It took me two weeks to just accept what happened and to realize that sooner or later, that moment is going to happen again. Tlhokomelo and I met again at his place. We were in his room and he had just finished bathing and he was getting dressed. I was angry at him for leaving when we had agreed that we were supposed to meet the day before today and as I was walking to his place, I saw him leave with one of his friends from the neighborhood. I instantly got upset and turned back home. So we met today and he was there apologizing. "So are you still mad at me?". He leaned in without his shirt on. "Maybe". I said to him, looking away. "I had to go yesterday to withdraw some cash at the garage baby.. I know I got you upset, but I'm sorry". I looked at him and he leaned in and kissed me. "So are you still mad at me?". I smiled at him and he leaned in and kissed me again. So I guess we kissed and made up. He finished dressing up and we had snacks and soda that day. We talked and laughed about what happened and we kissed again. Little did I know that, that moment was going to happen again.