In Waves | ✔️

52 | the boy from san diego

Between the ironically-named shark across from me and the boy struggling to find his words next to me, I sit with bated breath. Nate's leg is bouncing, his hand rubbing over his tattoo, wordless. I don't like seeing him anxious. It's unsettling. Nate doesn't get anxious; he doesn't struggle with words or stay serious for too long. Those are all my expertise.

I watch the tank while I wait. Seeing what is essentially the same shark that attacked him has made it agonizingly real. Those teeth, his scar. I hate how vivid it all is in my head.

"This is going to be a lot," he finally says. "So bear with me."

"You don't have to tell me why you transferred if you don't want to," I blurt out. "Alex got me all worked up at the party and I sort of bombarded you, and I can tell this is personal so if you want to keep it between you and Alex—"

"It's not between me and Alex, and I want to tell you, Lia. I eventually would've, anyway. It's just... it's not something that comes up in everyday conversation. So, to start where it all started, that would be when my dad died. He was a firefighter."

"I know." I bite my tongue when he looks at me curiously. "After you told me about your attack, I read an article online and it mentioned your dad. I didn't mean to dig into your life but it was just there. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's no secret."

"No, I am sorry I stumbled onto it, but I mean I'm sorry you lost him so suddenly."

Nate drops his chin, still rubbing his tattoo. Slower now. "'Suddenly' doesn't even feel like a strong enough word. Like, we knew every time he went on shift there was a possibility of him getting hurt, but that was the job. And he loved it, and he was so good at it. I thought he was invincible. I literally thought he was a superhero when I was a kid. Honestly, I still thought that when I was fourteen. Then that apartment building fire happened. And maybe he thought he was invincible too, trying to save this trapped mother and daughter when he shouldn't have been there. When his team were told to evacuate, and he just couldn't... wouldn't leave them. He had to think he was invincible."

"A mother and daughter? Maybe they reminded him of your mom and Lizzy, and he couldn't bring himself to leave them. It sounds like he had a big heart."

"He did. So big that it got him killed." His voice shifts into bitterness. "He wasn't thinking about his safety, or getting back to his family, he just cared about saving two strangers who were impossible to save. So he ended up dying for nothing."

"Nate."

"It's true, Lia. And I've felt so many different things about his death that I can't stand it, but back then, when it happened, I didn't feel anything. It was like a light switch went off. Losing him made everything... numb. I hated getting out of bed, I hated going to school, playing football, surfing, talking to people. It was like there wasn't a point to any of it. And then a couple months after, Blake came up to visit over my fifteenth birthday weekend. But that was just an excuse. I know my mom begged him to get me out of the house, and he basically had to force me to go surfing. I surfed with my dad almost every day, and doing it without him was fucking agony. But I did it that day to make my mom happy, and then the attack happened and it felt like a massive sign from the universe."

"A sign for what?"

He pauses, looking up at the tank. "A sign that I was meant to die. Because when the shark pulled me under, I had the chance to fight back. I had a shot to punch its nose like you're supposed to do, but I didn't take it. That pain was the first thing I felt in months, and I just thought... If this is how you're meant to go, at least you felt something again before you died. And then I lost consciousness, and that should have been the end."