The World Spinning Round (Beatles/Paul McCartney)

24. Antartica

July 1969
Alice

Suzie leaned toward me with a cigarette dangling from her fingers as she stared at the ledger on the desk.

"Sales are up 30 percent net," she said, her eyes gleaming. "When we take into account the exchange rate, which is quite favorable at the moment, we can assume a profit margin of--"

Her American accent had grown even more pronounced since she'd moved back to New York City. That plus her much lighter hair and trimmer waist made her seem like almost a different person.

"I saved the best for last," she said with a proud smile. "Zarby New York will have a spread in Vogue in October."

I blinked, the words taking longer to process than usual. It felt odd sitting behind my desk after four months of being home with Lou, like perhaps I was now an imposter.

"American or British Vogue?" I asked.

"American."

I nodded, wondering why I wasn't more over the moon. My emotions had felt muted ever since the baby was born. It was as if there were a semi-opaque wall between me and the rest of the world, which both protected me but also kept me slightly apart. Cynthia said it was the baby blues, but I reckoned it was just my aristocratic nature showing through.

"I can't tell you how grateful I am for taking it all over, Suz," I said, leaning forward. "You've done brilliantly."

She blushed. "When will you be back full-time? The girls there miss you."

I paused. It was one thing for me to take a taxi to Shoreditch a few times a week to cosplay sitting behind my desk. It was another--far more fantastical--idea to actually go to America for an extended length of time. It seemed terribly complicated to travel with a baby and, if I were being honest, I wasn't sure Paul could cope here on his own. Not with the way things were.

The door to my office creaked open before I could reply, and my assistant poked her head in.

"Mr. McCartney phoned..." she trailed off, looking between me and Suzie.

"Louise isn't taking her bottle," I guessed.

"He asked if you might consider popping home," she said apologetically as if this didn't happen every other time I tried to come in for a day of work. It was as if Louise sensed that I needed to do something for myself and staged a hunger strike until I reappeared.

I stared just past Suzie's shoulder, my eyes glued to the intricate pattern of scarlet holly leaves on the wallpaper.

"Shall I ring back and ask if the nanny has tried?" my assistant asked. "That worked last time."

I was quiet for another few seconds, lost in my own world. If Paul had rung the shop, then it meant he'd tried everything. It wasn't his fault that Lou only wanted me to feed her. But it also wasn't my fault that I needed to get out of the house for a few hours.

"Alice?" Suzie said gently, causing the world to come back into focus. I ran a hand through my hair and restlessly smoothed out my linen a-line dress as I shifted in my seat.

"It's alright," I said as I stood and began to push the various notebooks and ledgers on my desk into a haphazard pile. "We'll try again next time."

**

Most of the girls outside the gate were regulars and thus could recognize that I wasn't in the mood to chat. They gave me plenty of bandwidth as I got out of the taxi and rummaged through my purse for the gate key. Mal had proposed putting in a system that would allow us to open it more easily, but we hadn't gotten around to giving him the okay to install it.