Chapter 3

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Natalie

I hadn't thought of that memory in years, and I held onto it, even though that dream had been so liberating. I just drove off...left my husband behind. Delicious freedom awaited me. Yet, Dan ran after me. Where was he now?

As the kids worked on their exam, I checked my phone. Dan hadn't texted me, but it looked like he was at work. I thought about how things were so tense now between us...how I walked on eggshells around him, only bringing up the neutral topics - his job, the weather, dinner... ones that didn't end up in red faces and hard feelings.

Sometimes, I wondered if the idea of having the baby was what bothered him...or was it because of my size and that he was so disgusted by me that the thought of making a baby was so repellent. When was the last time we'd made love? I couldn't recall.

The song, out of nowhere, returned to my head. You are beautiful in every single way...

I was, wasn't I? Sure, I'd let myself go...but...it wasn't too late for me. Maybe I could make him want me again. Sure, I could download one of those fitness apps on my phone...

Loud whispers from the back of the classroom caught my attention and I spotted a paper being passed from Jeremy to Cory.

"Something you want to share?" I said, and 30 heads looked up from their tests.

Cory's cheeks were tinged with red as I approached and held out my palm. He threw the note to Jeremy at which Cory tossed it back.

"Two choices, gentlemen. You either hand it over, or I'm going to crumple up one of your tests and you're going to read what's on that paper to the whole class while I look over your shoulder."

Terror lit his face and Cory hurled the now ball of paper back to Jeremy and I snatched it from the air. Who did they think they were messing with? I was the queen of passing notes in my day, only I wasn't stupid enough to get caught.

I held the crumpled ball in my hand and glanced at the clock. "Five minutes left, boys and girls." I withdrew back to the front of the class to my seat and dropped their note into the trash. What did I care about their little jokes?

Jeremy came to me at the end of class, saying he wanted to show me something at his desk. Some writing or something. Cleverly, Cory used that opportunity to sneak to my desk, though not being so sneaky about it.

"Mr. Ferguson, stay out of my trash."

"But,I...didn't mean it. Can I just have it back?"

I tilted my head to him and approached, using my size and height hopefully to intimidate. "I'll tell you what. I'll give it to your mom next week during conference."

He hung his head. I was all talk. I wouldn't out him like that. Though he sounded pretty desperate – the both of them. What in the heck? My personal sense of space and boundaries told me to forget it, but something else told me to read it. At lunch, I grabbed my apple and salad and pulled the fork from my bag. Then my eyes led me to the trash can and that crumpled piece of paper. I could read it. Invasion of privacy? Nope? He had no rights if he dared to pass notes this way. It was one of the rules I'd addressed in the beginning. Still, that deer in the headlights look forced me to give it more consideration as I opened up the Tupperware container. I mean, maybe these kids were harmless, but what if they were planning on bullying someone or had smuggled in some weapons or something? With that line of reasoning, I had every right to read it – it was for the sake of my student's safety after all.

I opened it up and pressed it flat against the desk on top of my lesson planner, smoothing free the wrinkles, and had to bring it closer to my eyes to decipher the seventh grader's scribbled writings done in pencil.

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