Michael Corner and The Education of Wizards

Michael Corner and The Chance to Impress

'I hear that Potter's been expelled,' said Malfoy loudly enough that everyone could hear. He looked like Christmas and Birthday, as my dad says.

We mostly ignored him, though some of the Hufflepuffs looked up and at the Gryffindor queue. I had a quick glance. A very quick one. Sure enough, no Potter. No Ron Weasley, either, though the twins were there and looking worried, which was weird. I had never seen them looking worried before.

'I gather he was arrested for stealing a car,' said Malfoy.

'Be quiet, Mr Malfoy,' said The Proflet. 'Don't parade your ignorance.'

I'll say this for The Proflet. He may be short but he can hand out put-downs like the finest.

'I wonder where Snape is,' muttered Tony Goldstein. The Proflet glanced at him but the doors opened before he could say anything and we all surged into the Dining Hall.

The only surprise at The Feast (apart from Ravenclaw's acquisition of a girl with a completely spherical blonde afro hairdo, like a vast dandelion clock) was the announcement of that Gilderoy Lockhart had joined the staff. That was absolutely stellar. Even I had heard of him. Mum thought he was the bee's knees, though Dad said he looked like a second hand car dealer. Snape and McGonagall reappeared while people were still cheering and Lockhart was lapping it up. McGonagall looked as severely disapproving as she always did but Snape looked as though he had bitten on an unripe lemon.

'Snape looks upset,' said Tony.

'I expect he's discovered that Harry hasn't been expelled after all,' said Boot. 'Nothing else could make Snape look so sour.'

'Either that or he doesn't like Lockhart,' said Tony.

'Oh, come on! Everyone likes Lockhart,' burbled Mandy Brocklehurst.

'He looks a bit flash to me,' I said.

'I think I'll reserve judgement on him,' said Boot.

It was a pretty weird year that one, what with attacks and the school nearly closing but it really hit home how strange things were going to get when Filch's cat was frozen. We were heading for Charms and got tangled up with a bunch of first years who were going to Binns's history classroom when this screaming started. Dandelion girl was being minded by Penny Clearwater because there had been a bit of bullying. Penny was trying to steer Dandelion away from the screaming and Dandelion was determinedly pushing her way forward and seemed oblivious to the noise. We turned the corner and there was the cat hanging by her tail with Filch wringing his hands and Potter and his crew trying to look inconspicuous and failing miserably.

Dandelion stopped and stared. Her eyes, which were always slightly protuberant, bulged even more when she was excited. 'Now that is interesting,' she said.

'Come on Luna," said Penny, trying to pull her away. 'Mr Binns is just down here.'

'What's interesting?' I said and she turned her searchlights on me.

'They don't usually roost in buildings,' she said.

'Well, of course she doesn't,' I said. 'She's a cat. They don't roost.'

'She's a Bwilti,' she said. 'She's not a cat, but it's a mistake a lot of people make. They roost in trees, hanging by their tails. I've known she was a Bwilti for some time.'

'Please, Mike,' said Penny, looking harassed. 'Don't lead her on.'

'Sorry,' I said. 'I didn't mean to. I was wondering what she was talking about.'

Penny gave me a 'Don't we all?' look.

'Expressing an interest is not leading me on,' said Dandelion. She gave me a swift smile and marched off to her lesson.