~* Bad decisions make great stories *~
A Harry Styles dark romance that explores the intricacies of mental health, morality and sexual attraction. Enter a world of sin, opulence and crime.
*****
It started and ended with the wind.
She was a hurrican...
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I can't recall another time where I felt less in control of my emotions. I am aware that I have neglected my self-development in that area; instead prioritising intellectual pursuits that align with my business ventures. Attachments are, more often than not, a hinderance in this industry.
It's not that I am opposed to having feelings for anyone. I have genuine affection for my mother, and I would certainly be upset if anything were to happen to Eli or Matt. I don't consider emotional connections to be an inherent weakness; but I am a realist.
My position is one of power and authority balanced precariously atop a world that scrutinises every minute detail in an attempt to detect flaws and gain advantage. And yet, despite logic and my previously unwavering moral compass, I can't stop thinking about Addy and my desire to protect her. It's an oxymoron that has caused more than one headache; because the closer she gets to me, the less safe her life will become. And yet I still find that more favourable than the alternative of not having her close at all.
The true problem arises when my sudden surge in emotional responses contradict with my pre-existing morality; the confusion and rash impulsive actions that result from this frustrate me and, in retrospect, I find myself feeling something entirely new and unfamiliar. Guilt.
Pained, hypnotic blue eyes haunt me.
Somehow, in a few short weeks, this five foot nothing, train wreck of a girl has infiltrated every part of my life and thoughts. It has me genuinely questioning my sanity. Not only has she made me feel things I thought myself incapable of, I have also started breaking my own rules for her. And I want to break more.
I can't discern if it is mere obsession, or something more - perhaps I will lose interest the second I uncover all of her secrets. Part of me hopes that I do. I feel uncomfortable and out of control and I despise it. But I don't despise her.
Everything I'm experiencing is further heightened by the fact that I am so fucking mad at her right now. I am well aware that I have developed an annoying habit of overreacting, and I understand that my anger is misplaced and yet I can't seem to turn it off. My usual strict control slipping so easily I barely notice until after all is said and the damage is done.
Not only did she leave the house without a means of contacting anyone in an emergency, but she did so with full knowledge that Evan is out there desperately trying to get to her. And she told no one. My best assumption is that she is acting out of fear and logically I can hardly fault her for that given my recent lack of judgement. It's glaringly obvious she has been abused - the extent of which and by how many people is still unclear - and has not had the time or opportunity to deal with the resulting trauma. It all leaves me stuck in self-perpetuating loop.
