Even now as I sit crying. Tears dripping onto the screen of my phone. It doesn't feel real.
They say "friends come and go." They say it as if it's so simple. They say it like the two year friendship meant nothing.
Saying it as if I won't see that same ended friendship on my past friends face every time I look at her when I walk past her in the hallway of my school.
Like that two year friendship and everything wrong with my life didn't play back the moment I realized we were not friends anymore.
It didn't hit like a bullet. It didn't feel like being stabbed. It felt worse. It felt like I was dying from the inside out, slowly.
Unable to take it all back. Unable to erase memory or not think anything but thoughts.
Thoughts that got you into the friendship, and thoughts that got you out.
I knew she wasn't real. She wasn't authentic. Honest.
She was everything good but authentic. I knew that.
I knew it before it even came but still I was head over hills like a little boy in love. I fell face first even though I was looking down with my hands in front.
I attached myself to her because she was everything that I wasn't. Perfect.
So the loss of the friendship hurt me. It hurt me because she had an impact on my life no one else could.
Make me feel more than. Gave me the worth I didn't give myself. Welcomed me. Laughing so hard some days we couldn't keep it together.
That's the thing with friends. They make you feel like nothings real. Nothing is serious. Life is ok again.
Until it's not. Until you aren't friends anymore and all you can think about is everything bad in your life leading you up to this point.
How nothing is worth it without her. Like a love you lost. This isn't love though. It's not love.
losing a friendship is worse, it's like losing the most precious thing on earth.
You never really get it back, because it's not the original.
