Enrolled in Epicness - A Baldur's Gate 3 Fanfic

6. Universal Rules

"Bing-Bong," the imp agreed.

"How about it, Shar's Favored?" Raphael said with a triumphant grin. "Should this lovable fiend be condemned to misery in Avernus, or shall I find him a home, a place of peace and privilege where it would spend its years content and complacent?"

"Yes!"

"NO!" Liz grabbed Shadow's arm. "THIS IS A FOUL TRICK."

"You killed him," the cleric said, scowling. "You don't get a word in this."

The imp pointed an accusing finger at Lae'zel. "As'ka fur'kach mach'la!"

"Exactly, Bing-Bong."

Astarion stayed silent, happy to watch the naked argument. Shadowheart tore herself from Liz's grip and walked to the cambion, sadly putting on underwear on the way. "So, how do we do this?" she asked in her casually snide tone.

"I'm nothing if not a fair dealer." Once more, Raphael snapped his fingers, and a glass of wine appeared in his hand. "A drop of your blood shall seal the contract. After you drink, the imp will await your summoning call. In case he's killed—"

"Again," Shadowheart said, frowning at Lae'zel.

"Yes. Then he shall stay at my House of Hope, enjoying a life of comfort. In return, you shall act as my agent in this realm until Tav is freed and her abductor is killed."

Suddenly, the cleric gazed at Astarion. "You fell for his smooth talking earlier. Where's the catch?"

"His drink might make you exceedingly horny."

The priestess snorted, throwing back her loose, wet hair. "Don't entertain any fantasies, eh, Astarion?"

"The thought hasn't crossed my mind once."

It was more like twice... at least.

At Raphael's request, Shadow held up a forefinger. He poked it with a sharp nail, drawing out a little blood into the suspicious beverage, and she drank half a glass in one long sip. When it was empty, the cambion touched her hand again, whispering what must've been instructions, and an imprint appeared on the cleric's palm.

"Bing-Bong!" the imp said when the deal was sealed, clapping in excitement.

Shadow gave him a crushing squeeze, accompanying it with revolting happy squeaks. Astarion huffed in disgust, earning an approving nod from Lae'zel. Raphael, however, seemed utterly amused by the sight.

"Your wizard will need time to recover from his... illusory escapade with my succubus. Enjoy my bathhouse in the meantime. Afterward, I expect you to resume your task with earnest eagerness. I need Tav back in Baldur's Gate by tomorrow evening."

Raphael needing anyone anywhere was a reason for concern, but what choice did they have? They could worry about the devil and his motives after finding Tav. "Of course," Astarion said. "What time is it, anyway?"

"It's an hour past midday."

"A little early for drinking," Lae'zel said.

Astarion rolled his eyes at her. "I need my midday melancholy medication. Even Raphi approves, right?"

The cambion grinned. "A whiff of wine may cheer the soul, but have too much, and it'll take its toll."

"Counting on it," Astarion said with a sarcastic sneer. "May I now enjoy my drink in peace?"

"I apologize for bothering you," the devil said, his teeth clenching in subdued rage. He then snapped his fingers and disappeared in another cloud of stinky smoke, taking the unnecessary imp with him.