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a biohazard. that's what she was.
mikoto named her ikari because she was always angry. always.
her anger was self destructing. it hurt her. it left blisters all over.
mikoto tried to love her. she really tried, but she just couldn't fathom the existence of her daughter.
not her daughter, a monster.
a fucking demon. all she did was scream. for the past five months, she wailed until she couldn't, as if she was mad at her own existence. mad for being unable to cease to exist.
just, mad in general. there was never a smile on her face.
when could mikoto get a break?
every time she saw ikari's little face scrunch up and redden, she felt furious. her child was just, upset. for nothing. why the hell was she always screeching? setting stuff on fire? it was annoying and impractical.
biting at the very hand feeding her.
what was stopping mikoto from throwing the damn thing into a ditch?
fugaku didn't want her.
itachi was, well, she didn't actually know what happened in itachi's head. it was always like playing a guessing game.
mikoto wondered if she'd grow up to be dignified. uchiha girls couldn't go to the academy. an ancient rule. a shitty rule. and, especially since she was apart of the main family, there'd be many suitors after her for the power.
not now. maybe later.
well, knowing how fugaku couldn't even look at her, it wouldn't be the most surprising thing in the world if he sold her off at 12. that was the age for marriage here in konoha. it only really happened in clans, though. it didn't exactly apply to civilians.
civilians and shinobi lived in two completely different worlds.
all they had to do was keep their noses out of clan affairs and they'd continue to get protection.
the uchiha, one of the oldest clans yet. they were very strict with traditions. there were exceptions for half-bloods, though. half-bloods were quite looked down upon since this clan liked to keep it pure.
mikoto hated that rule.
she remembered her days as a little girl, aspiring to become a shinobi. just to be married off to the uchiha heir at 16.
that led to this. cradling an ungrateful monster.
mikoto left to inoichi one day. she didn't exactly know him very well, but he was in the same class as kushina and minato in the academy.
she explained it all. her thoughts about wanting to murder the child, and how she loathed its very existence.
she knew there was a soothing genjutsu cast on her. perhaps it wasn't meant to be hidden.
in the end, he gently told her that it was postpartum psychosis, and that it would go away with time.
eight insufferable months went by. it never went away. it only worsened.
ikari always screamed. it was a repetitive cycle. mikoto was done. she really was.
never getting a break took its heavy toll on her. weight was lost. skin sagged. acne showed up around her jawline. stress lines appeared on her youthful face. grey hairs showed up at her roots.
she was less than half of the woman she used to be.
all ikari's fault.
she loomed over the baby, napping in its bassinet. quiet for once.
her hands clenched and unclenched as she stood there, twitching and contemplating her next choice.
she decided against it, going to bed quietly, enjoying the quiet while it lasted.
.
fugaku was at home less and less. when he was, he didn't talk much. just ate and left.
itachi was neglected.
nobody was there for him.
despite only being about four, he did his own thing nowadays. he didn't play with his little sister. he just prodded at his mother every now and then for food.
itachi was independent. as if he knew mikoto's struggles.
