THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY: a memoir

07 | my renaissance

December 2023

As I write this, it has now been 8 months since I first released "The One That Got Away".  The dust of excitement has settled and the noise is finally silent. However, the pride and satisfaction harbored in my heart has never been this potent. I stand in awe for the way readers have received this project from the start. As an author, closing a chapter on an "era" — especially one that has truly filled me with profound joy — is the most bittersweet thing I get to do once everything has been said and done. But a space is now opened for me to reflect on the experience and watch as the story takes on a life of its own.

In a way, my creation no longer belongs to me but to the universe and all who invest themselves in it. There is very little, perhaps nothing, I can do now to influence what it will become in the world and for others. This is the most humbling part of being a writer. Letting go and standing in powerlessness is a stage we cannot evade. All there is truly left to do is admire from afar, like an empty-nested parent as their kids bravely take on the beast that is life. And for that I am whole again.

"The One That Got Away" achieved everything that I intended on sharing with my readers and so much more. Commercially, it saw the number 1 spot in the comedy section multiple times, is on track to crack 100K reads, and earned a spot on Episode's Beach Reads shelf this past summer -- our first shelf since "The Marriage Counselor" in 2018. It was never a goal to hit those metrics or get those accolades, however, I was truly humbled to still be a part of the conversation and still be celebrated for the hard work that went into making this story. My proudest accomplishment, though, still stands with the way all my readers took in TOTGA and seeing how they "shelved" this experience in their hearts -- the most important shelf of them all.  Witnessing the joy spread in their comments, posts, and screenshots throughout social media meant more to me than getting a million reads on a story or being a trending topic on Reddit. You can't put a number or a price on love. Winning over the hearts and respect of my readers is the ultimate prize and I am glad I was able to do that with this body of work.

Putting together this complex production to tell a visual story born from the heart was not an easy task, but the right task. The lessons that the process has taught me reintroduced me to myself again in many ways. For years I didn't understand what I was truly trying to do as an author and gave myself hell for all my shortcomings. I became my own biggest enemy and worked tirelessly to convince myself that I was not good enough. Simply put, the idea of self love has never been an easy feat to conquer for me; till this day I am still a work in progress.

I consider  "The One That Got Away"  to be my rebirth as an author: my renaissance. I feel as if I emerged from the shallow as a new creature ready to take on a whole different arena within writing. One of the reasons why this story holds a special place in my heart is because of the message I inadvertently ended up giving to myself in the process of creating it. "The One That Got Away" ended up being much more than a rom com story set in the 50's but an affirmation of what I have always needed to do: give myself a second chance.

Reflecting back on my past tendencies and way of thinking, I realize that I was simply too hard on myself. I stifled my soul with unrealistic expectations I made up because I simply wanted to be accepted and seen. Putting everything else before myself became a central theme in my delivery over the years and thought that it would earn me the validation I  assumed I needed to be a successful writer. But the validation I searched for was always inside of me and it took me going through a creative block and stepping away to write TOTGA to realize it. This chapter in my writing career was transformative in several aspects as it taught me acceptance, having patience, and kindness with myself first before anything. I know that moving forward, this will be the recipe that I will follow when creating my art. When looking at where I am at now, I think I am finally in a place where I can just have fun, be unapologetic, break and make the rules, and prove nothing. For the first time in my life, I am no longer afraid to take risks, try new things, and explore other territories within the world of writing and still be me.

At its core, "The One That Got Away" touches on forgiveness, making peace with our past, and most importantly giving ourselves grace and love. We as humans are bound to make mistakes and fall when it needs to happen. We're not perfect and that's okay! I believe the biggest takeaway from this entire project is giving ourselves permission to get back up and try again. Life is difficult but it is also beautiful when you allow yourself to see it. "The One That Got Away" can be a person we love that left our life, a missed chance, a setback, or ourselves. But as we see with Olivia in the story, if you're willing to fight with love, it can always be saved again. I hope that what readers walk away with from this story is that we're always deserving of a second opportunity no matter how hard we fall, how long it's been, or how frightening the future might be. We are always worth the fight.