Mnakwethu

Chapter 5

When I got back, I found him sitting on top of the bed and waiting for me. I lotioned and  got dressed. I did all of that right in front of him. He looked at me and tried to talk to me, but I just couldn't listen to him. He resorted to letting me be, and I was grateful for that because hearing him speak pissed me off.

Later that day, I cooked and minded my own business.

Zolani: ngicela sikhulume

Zasembo: ayikho into engizoyikhuluma nawe Zolani

Zolani: sekuzowenzakalani phakathi kwethu?

Zasembo: lutho angithi yilokho obukufuna Zolani? Sengyakunika ke lokhu obukufuna ngoba ngyabona ukuthi bengikubambezela mina

Zolani: ngyafunga ngiyagomela ayikho lento oyishoyo mina ngifuna wena Zasembo

Zasembo: Cha akusilo iqiniso lelo, uthe engena la wena wafuna ukukhetha yena emvakokuthi ukhethe mina phambi kwakhe. Ucathi emvakwayo yonke lento eyenzekile mina ngizohlala nawe?

Zolani: ngiyazi ukuthi ngikuphoxile kodwa ngiyacela ukuthi ungangishiyi ungakwenza konke hayi ukuthi ungishiye Zasembo angiyilutho ngaphandle kwakho

Zasembo: cha ngaphandle kwami uwumuntu wakhe angithi wena ubushaya ngesthembu buyela kuyena ke

Zolani: cha angifuni

I huffed and kept quiet. Zolani hurt me, and I don't think I will get back together with him. We have been through a lot together, but this one takes the cup. At this point, I don't even know who to turn to because Thando doesn't want to hear a thing about Zolani.

Later, he prepared for work and left me alone. How can I ever recover from this? I love this man so much, but 5 days with his mistress is something else. I can't even bring myself to think about the happy moments we once shared together. What did I do to deserve this? I cried till I couldn't anymore. I resorted to sleeping, but I couldn't. All I could think of or dream of was everything that happened.

My heart ached, and more tears came out. Out of all the ways he could've hurt me with he chose this one. It felt like he was continuously stabbing my heart. Eventually, I dozed off.

When he got back from work I had already cleaned and prepared some food. His sight became unbearable. I couldn't even smile. My whole body felt heavy. He had tried to speak to me several times but I just couldn't face him all I saw was a man I used to confide in that broke my heart. I shook my head thinking about the time he told me he would never cheat on me.

He was supposed to be my safe heaven and the love of my life. What happened?

Zolani: Zasembo

I heard him call my name but ignored. He wasn't working today so I guess I will have to spend the night with him.

Zolani: Zasembo ngicela ungikhulumise (Zasembo please talk to me)

Zasembo: ayikho into engizoyikhuluma nawe Zolani uzikhiphile kimi (there is nothing that I will say to you)

Zolani: ngiyaxolisa (I am sorry)

Zasembo: uxolisa ngoba ngitholile ukube angitholanga ngabe awuxolisi ngiyeke ke Zolani

He sighed in defeat. One of the hardest things to do is trying to figure out why someone did what they did. Why would he hurt me like that? I had to spend the whole day ignoring him and doing other things to keep me busy. I still couldn't understand why after everything he did it still felt right to forgive him. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and just let it all out but I couldn't.

After cooking I dished up for him and for myself. Do you know the pain of fighting the thought of throwing the plate on someone's face? Yeah that's exactly how I feel. I climed on top of the bed and we ate in silence. He broke it by thanking me which I simply nodded to.

After a few more days I finally left.

You would think it would be better since I am not next to him anymore but it was worse. I couldn't stop thinking about whether he was going to get back with her, was she still going to come over since I'm no longer around. I couldn't think properly all I knew was that he cheated and I can't trust him. I tried to set aside space for disappointment but my love for him was too strong.

I couldn't bring myself to do it even after being hurt. I felt like an idiot that did nothing but love a man that didn't love me back. He called regularly and showed me that he was alone but everytime I saw his name my heart raced. I knew it wasn't a good sign. My intuition was telling me that something was wrong but I didn't listen.

He went back to being the Zolani I knew but I still couldn't shake the feeling that he was still doing something. That's when I saw it. We were on a video call when he showed me he was alone but forgot to hide the smallest details. I saw her towel, it was right there and when I asked him about it he lied through his teeth.

He hid it and acted like nothing happened. I got so mad that I hung up. Next thing I was bombarded with texts and calls. Was he really worth my health and everything I'm going through? Why am I still with him? Those are the signs of someone who does not need you in his life anymore. Why stay? He called and I finally decided to answer.

Zasembo: mhm

Zolani: MaMkhize ngicela sikhulume

Zasembo: ufunani Zolani?

Zolani: akusiyo ilento oyicabangayo themba lami angeke ngikwenze njalo ngibonile umonakalo owenzekile ngakho bengingeke ngiphinde.

Zasembo: Zolani ufone mase uzongitshela iqiniso

I then hung up on him. Feeling frustrated, I resorted to watching Netflix to calm myself down. I found myself calling him to which I thought he answered but he actually didn't because his phone was in his pocket. I guess it got answered while he was walking. I heard him speak to a woman.

I knew her voice so it wasn't hard to identify who he was with. It was Bendalo and they were talking as if nothing ever happened. My heart sank as I listened to their conversation flowing. She was laughing clearly amused by what he was saying to her or maybe they were laughing at me?

It was hard to hear everything as they were walking. They finally settled in his apartment and talked.

Zolani: Bendalo

Bendalo: Zolani

Zolani: wabuka mina engabe ubuka lento oyiphethe

She laughed trying not to take it to the heart. It was as if he was trying to show her that nothing with happen but he was failing. Soon after they left his apartment. They walked for a very long time before settling in another room. Hearing them together ached my heart.

I guess he reached out for his phone because when he saw that I was listening to everything he hung up and called again. I answered just to show him that I was listening.

Zasembo: yah Zolani

Zolani: aybo ubulalele yini?

Zasembo: yeah unjani uBendalo?

He kept quiet for a while before answering.

Zolani: akusiyo ilento oyicabangayo

I hung up before he could carry on. He blew my phone up calls, messages and videos trying to explain the situation. I read his messages through the notifications.

"Ngiyazi angeke ungikholwe kodwa uzizwele nawe akukho okwenzakalayo uthole indawo ngala ubecele ukuthi ngimphathise izinto zasendlini"

"Ngiyakucela ungizwe ukuthi ngizothini"

"Themba lami angisoze ngenza lento esiphuma kyona futhi ngicela ungithembe"

I just put my phone aside and cried my eyes out. He was with her again. After he promised not to hurt me. He did right after I left.