If This Feelin' Flows Both Ways | ShubIsh

V

iv.

He was not in a deep sleep yet, he was still floating in the gray area between staying conscious and unconscious, with his eyes simply closed and he was thankful for that.

It meant that there were no more reminders of his ex with her being a playback singer for some Barbie parody that Ishan and him were starring in, no cute shark beanie-wearing NPC Ishan to mess up his feelings or turn into a shark and eat his tits.

He was also sleeping many inches away from Ishan now. To avoid certain accidents of course.

'Abhi na jao chhod kar ke dil abhi bhara nahi'

'Abhi abhi to aayi ho, abhi abhi to'

'Abhi abhi to aayi ho,

bahar banke chhayi ho'

With every passing second of the song, he thinks of Ishan. He thinks of the time they met for the first time, the time they became friends, the time Ishan got into the Indian Cricket Team, their first match and with every lyric of the song, each memory replayed in his head.

With each reminder of their past to present, he realised how the lyrics were literally his feelings for Ishan. He didn't want Ishan to leave him, ever. He didn't care about anyone else.

He didn't care that he thought the same about Sara a few years ago, but now he was able to get over her and they were truly over. Thoughts of her still swirled across his mind at times because he had loved her. He still did. But he wasn't sure that the reason he missed her wasnt because he lost his lover but rather a close friend. A friend who understood him. Someone almost equally important to him Ishan.

But things had ended with her, because she understood that Shubman could never give her what she wanted and that his will to be her forever, which she sensed that he didn't have.

He didn't understand her at first. He hated her for ending things so abruptly. When he thought they were happy, but only it was months after they broke up had he realised while spending more time with Ishan how much he meant to him, almost more than her.

How much time he spent with Ishan even before they broke up. And after the breakup, Ishan was pretty much his entire world. His heart swelled with happiness whenever he was with ishan than it ever did with Sara.

Now, the thought of things ending with Ishan like how they did with Sara was terrifying.

They were the two most important people in his life and he had lost one of them, as a lover and a friend. He couldn't afford to lose the only other best friend he had.

This was the problem with shubman and alcohol. Drinking was fun but it always ended with thoughts of Sara and then Ishan leaving.

Fuck, he was supposed to listen to the song to avoid awkward dreams but this had ended with even worse thoughts.

Fuck this, he would never drink vodka again in his life.

He pulls out the iPods harshly and tosses them onto the bedside table not caring less about where they land. He turns to his side to look at Ishan still sleeping peacefully beside him.

The distance between them remains and short puffs of breath escape ishan's slightly agape mouth.

Shubman just listens.

Sometimes he thinks he could spend a good chunk of eternity listening to Ishan's breathing. As creepy as it sounded, it was simply comforting to listen to Ishan's soft snores sometimes.

Oddly calming, like laying in the beach at night, rhythmic waves of water gently swishing against the sand. Like the pitter-patter of raindrops gently landing on your window,