Never I Thought

Chapter 28 - Forever Is Temporary

My eyes went in and out of focus. My ceiling light burned into my vision so aggressively until the light was there each time I closed my eyes. It hurt. But I couldn't stop.

Focus, my mind begged.

Focus. Focus. Focus.

"Alyssa? What's going on in that mind of yours?"

My soul snapped back into my skin and I looked around, my eyes landing on Kei and the questions in his eyes. Questions that suffocated my lungs until I had to break away so the guilt would stop laughing at my cowardly choices.

"Nothing," I smiled, "why?"

He grabbed at my hand and my fingers ever so slightly jerked but he didn't say anything about it. Just laced our fingers together.

"You're just so beautiful when you're so deep in thought," he said and leaned into me.

I sucked in my breath trying to create distance between us. It didn't work, he only reached out and brushed the hair from my face.

"Oh, thanks," I murmured, "did you want to maybe—"

I tried to think of an excuse. Any excuse to remove me from his looming eyes that were so perfect and calm compared to me. How could someone like Kei ever want someone as imperfect as I was? Someone who always brought destruction everywhere I went?

"I'm ready," Kei whispered, "this is the moment I want forever."

His lips grew closer to mine and my body was beginning to freeze over as if I was turning to stone as punishment for what I had done. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the tears from bursting out and with a tiny breath I finally admitted to the truth.

"Robin kissed me."

Kei sat up, startled by the words he heard. He looked at me waiting to tell him he misheard, that I was ready for our perfect moment. Tears fell down my cheek and his fears were confirmed.

"He didn't know what he was doing, there's been family stuff and he was crying," I sobbed, "he didn't mean to kiss me. I didn't want to kiss him."

Now, Kei put distance between us. He stood up, his face had been locked on a shocked expression that only made me feel worse.

"What the hell were you doing with him?" He demanded, "in what situation were you two alone long enough to kiss?"

"He kissed me!" I repeated, "I was on my way to Penny's and was supposed to return the sweater back to him. It all sort of just happened."

Kei's nostrils flared, "why did you have his sweater? But for some reason, you couldn't borrow my jacket the other week?"

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. His anger hurt, like a knife being twisted over and over again but I knew I deserved it. I deserved all of it. I should have never even stepped foot in Robin's home. Never let his family whisk me away.

"It was from tutoring. The sweater meant nothing."

Kei huffed and ran his hands through his hair, walking back and forth. He was mumbling to himself over and over though it was inaudible to me. I had never seen him so angry. Ever. In the month knowing him I've seen him disappointed and upset in times where others would be angry. There was a black pit growing inside my stomach and I'm ready for it to engulf me. This was my entirely my fault and I had ruined our first kiss.

"I'm so, so sorry, Kei," I said, my lip trembling.

"You know Mabel wouldn't shut up about her night out after the football game a few weeks back," he finally said. His tone was soft and yet still so bitter, "made her siblings, Daiki and I swear not to tell our parents. Told us you all went to Matt's house, right after you and Robin stalked them on their date."