Never I Thought

Chapter 30 - Come To Realise

The library had become my second home.

I found it was the one place none of my friends or lovers visited during their breaks and therefore it had become my new best friend to keep me company and avoid them all.

Penny and Marigold sat with me most days, but we couldn't deny the absence that belonged to Mabel and therefore our moods were down. I knew I would have to confront it all soon but if I was to let the eye of the storm pass then the wind would pick up and my heart would start to crunch in pain.

Just a little longer, I thought dismally as I found myself drawing little stars on the corners of my paper.

Today I was all alone. Marigold had convinced Penny to join the art club a few months back, though I was offered, I turned down the offer to use the breaks to study instead. Art and I just never seemed to mix well, I wasn't an artist, and I wasn't the type to express my feelings by painting some fruit.

The seat in front of me screeched as someone pulled it out and a boy flopped down onto it.

I looked up for a brief second, wondering if this loud idiot had ever been in a library before. When my eyes met Matt's, I pressed my lips together and sighed, unsure what he was doing here and yet his company was already lifting my spirits.

"Life got you down?" He asked, tilting his head to try and see mine.

I looked over to my side, knowing if I was to make eye contact with him, I might just burst and let my emotions flow.

"I understand what kind of position you're in, A, Mabel wants to rip Robin's throat out and Robin..." Matt sighed as he lost his words.

"She wants to rip my throat out too, huh?" A weak smile greeted my lips.

"Mine too if she found out I was here. She's a bit violent."

Finally, my eyes darted to his, "so why are you here then?"

He leaned closer to me, "you're my friend too, even if you did slap me. I figured you're probably feeling kinda lost right now. How to rekindle your friendship with Mabel and Kei? What to do about Robin?"

"Robin is dead to me," I scowled, "I know that much."

Matt snorted and leant back in his chair, his eyebrows raised at me with an amused smirk. I did feel the urge to reach over and slap it off him. His smile indicated he knew too much since he was in the middle of everything he probably did. I still hated it.

"You just feel like you owe it to Kei to hate Robin. I think you didn't tell anyone about you and Kei— not because of Mabel— but 'cause you didn't want the relationship either. You just wanted a safe option," he explained.

My nose wrinkled, "how do you know so much?"

"Mabel tells me a lot. And like the good boyfriend I am, I listen," he shrugged, "not wrong though, am I?"

"I did really like Kei though," tears brimmed my eyes.

"You don't love him though," Matt gave me a sympathetic look.

I laughed and wiped my eyes, "when did you get so poetic?"

"I've always been this poetic. Look, maybe you shouldn't have run off with Robin knowing the guy's obsessed with you but it happened and nothing can change that."

"Obsessed?"

"You're the smartest in the grade, are you really going to pretend Robin isn't in... oh, you actually have no idea," he said, seeing the distraught look on my face.

"I only learnt from that first kiss he even liked me," I sobbed, "even then it was questionable but obsessed? Please, Matt, tell me you're lying."

He reached out his hand and lightly patted my shoulder, "I wish I was. I'm not entirely sure when his hate obsession turned into a love obsession but... it happened. His insults turned into compliments and weird details about you, everywhere we went he was looking around for someone. That being you."