Eclipsed Love

Chapter 6: Behind Closed Doors

The Montgomery family stood tall as a symbol of respect and admiration in the eyes of the public. People viewed us like shining stars, flawless and beyond reach. We were a beacon of perfection that cast a mighty shadow over the city.

But, you know, every family has its secrets and toxicity. Despite the love we received, there was an equal measure of hatred, particularly from high-ranking individuals who felt threatened by how powerful we were. Assassination attempts used to be a common occurrence when I was young, but as we aged, they became less frequent.

That's why I had to be strong all the time. I couldn't show any weakness, not even my feelings. I had to keep everything hidden and sometimes pretend to be something I was not. It's like I had to wear a mask every day.

When I was just eight years old, a regular outing with Ethan turned into a scary nightmare. We got ambushed by some bad people who wanted to cause chaos to our family, everything happened so fast that I suddenly was caught up in a dark and dangerous situation.

These bad forces didn't just lock me away; they took away everything from me. They threw me into this tiny, dark room for three whole days. No windows, just darkness. They fed me a boiled potato and gave me dirty water through a little opening in the door. That tasteless potato became a constant reminder of how trapped I was in that lonely and silent place.

In that dark place, all I could think about was my family, my young mind sought refuge in the comforting embrace of imagination. I conjured scenarios where my family, my pillars of strength, would heroically storm in and liberate me, bringing tears of joy to our reunion. But, I was wrong and reality had different plans.

When rescue finally arrived, it was not the familiar faces of my family that greeted me, but the stern countenances of our loyal soldiers. Daniel and Ethan, my usual anchors in times of distress, were conspicuously absent. Father, engrossed in the affairs of the day, could spare neither time nor solace. And Mother, in her cold gaze, held not the warmth of maternal concern but the icy disappointment like I shouldn't have gotten myself into that situation.

That scary incident left me with a deep fear of the dark, even though strangely, that darkness became my hiding place—a shield from the troubles in my family.

This traumatic experience left me with a fear of the dark, a fear my parents especially my mother exploited for discipline. They created a windowless room named the "lecture room" to confront my fear. It was a dark place and they would lock me in there as a way to teach me to face my fear.

This went on until I turned 14. Suddenly, they stopped locking me up and started giving me tough training to see if I'd show any weakness. Now, at 21, I still carry that fear of showing any sign of being weak.

The "lecture room" became a forbidden topic, rarely talked about but leaving a lasting mark on me. Yet, when Mother commanded once again— "Enter"— I found myself reluctantly stepping back into that place of memories, where the cold walls closed in, and the weight of past letdowns pressed on me.

My mom's strong words echoed again — "Enter" — and I couldn't avoid going back to that memory-filled place. The big, cold walls felt like they were squeezing in on me, and the heavy feeling of past letdowns weighed on my shoulders. The room had seen me go through a lot, a quiet friend in all the tough times.

My mother stood by the door, her expression unforgiving and stern. The weight of her disappointment bore down on my shoulders, making each step inside heavier than the last.

With the door closing, its echoing sound marked the beginning of a thick tension in the air. I stood there, attempting to open the door, only to find it locked. Desperation gripped me, and I knocked, hoping against hope that she would reconsider. The silence that followed was only punctuated by the oppressive ambiance of the room.

"Carelessness, Catherine, is not a trait befitting a Montgomery," her sharp voice penetrated from outside.

"Mother, forgive me," I pleaded, clutching my chest in an attempt to calm my racing heart.

"It doesn't matter what happened. You ventured out without proper precautions. The Montgomerys don't act impulsively; we calculate our every move," she added, her words slicing through the confined space.

The darkness seemed to swallow me slowly, and my heart threatened to burst. I knocked again, desperately hoping she was still there, but hearing her footsteps moving away showed otherwise.

Everything went tight. It was hard to breathe like there was something heavy on my chest. The room felt like it was closing in, and my heart was beating fast, making my head spin. I tried to stay calm, but my thoughts were all over the place, like a big mess.

I wanted to run away or break the door, but I was too weak. I was sweating, and my hands were shaking. All the things I tried to hide deep down inside were suddenly right there in front of me. The weight of all the things I had to do, the pressure to prove myself – it all came crashing down on me.

I thought that now that I am older I would be able to handle this room, but I was wrong. I realized that this panic attack wasn't just something physical; it was like a big storm inside me, messing everything up. Each heartbeat felt like a reminder that I was weak.

I closed my eyes, hoping it would help, but it made things worse. There was a voice in my head saying I was weak, and I was going to be abandoned. I just wanted things to be calm, but it wasn't happening, the more I tried to breathe or calm down, the harder it got.

I just wanted a moment of peace, a break from all this.

Amid the mental chaos, Elias's gentle voice surfaced in my memory. "If you ever need a break, I'm here."

Clinging to Elias's words felt like grabbing hold of a lifeline in the middle of a big storm. His words echoed in my mind, giving me a short break from all the chaos. In that crazy moment, when panic was about to take over, I pictured Elias in my mind. His calmness was like a soothing lotion, a brief relief from the heavy darkness. The room felt less suffocating as if Elias's words had made a small opening in the overwhelming darkness.

But, the storm inside me kept going. Each heartbeat, which used to remind me of being vulnerable, now followed Elias's soothing voice. "I'm here." His promise stuck around like a rope in the storm.

I tried hard to catch my breath, but the beating in my heart got worse. The heavy feeling in my chest, the rush of thoughts—everything got harder. I desperately held onto the peace Elias gave me for a moment, but it slipped away from my shaky grip.

In that thin space between being awake and giving in, Elias's voice turned into a faint whisper. The loud thoughts in my mind turned into a soft buzz, and the coming darkness held me gently.

Then, like a candle fading out, I got lost in the dark. The room, the storm, Elias—all disappeared into a quiet emptiness, leaving only the echoes of me grasping to breathe.