Matilda Jane and The Abysmal Road

Chapter 10

          Here's the thing about finding your highest self- or something like that. Finding your souls true purpose is a journey that we all travel alone. That is beyond terrifying, more than any creature I have faced so far, more than any doubt monster I have created to keep me company on the Abyssmal road. But in that moment, when Irene asked me what I was looking for in this empty city, I felt the shift and I knew. I went from being an observer on my life, to living it, to feeling it. My vision blurred, my skin tingled from the shock and my breath seemed to catch in the air as the realities shifted. Since Morfi had left me I had been swirling in the terror of where I had failed before, how I felt drastically unprepared for whatever was before me - and I prayed relentlessly for the universe to answer me, to deliver me unscathed to my destination with haste. Now without a doubt, the universe listens. But she does not EVER give hand outs, or play fair- it wouldn't be any fun if she did.

          While I had shifted before, when I left the chasm, or got lost and met Morfi, I was blissfully unaware, and even more unaware of what caused it. Myself. I shifted not because the universe willed it, but because that higher self, myself, willed it. Even when I did not know it I was divinely guiding myself exactly where I needed to be, even in the trenches of terror and doubt. As soon as I shifted the doubt shifted too, it became fuel- that every time I fell short or got lost, I would hit the road running twice as hard, with that much more experience to take on whatever myself and the universe put before me. With that cleared up and the shift complete, I knew exactly what I needed in that moment. "A good book, a place to sleep, and if you're able- teach me how you built this city?" I had read her again after the shift, and saw what I was missing before, the instruments on the stage beside us were not playing themselves, she was playing them, with the chords of her soul.

            Irene let out a deep hearty laugh and the music stopped. "I was wondering if you'd pick up on that. Yes, this city is a mirage created by my soul, and yes, I can teach you to at least execute greater control over your soul's power."  She eyed me then, "First, lets get you fed and rested- You have a very chaotic journey ahead of you and the road so far has definitely left you a little malnourished." So we ate, Irene had prepared nothing short of a banquet, roasted ham and turkey, the most excellent boiled potatoes, caramelized carrots and brussels, and don't even get me started on the deserts. After we ate I felt more full than I had since leaving home, and we moved to Irene's personal parlor, which was so serene feeling next to the marble fireplace and pearl dripped altar I had a hard time not dozing off. But Irene gestured for me to kneel at the altar with her after we had some tea, and I told her how I came to her mirage.  "Your friend Morfi gave to some excellent meditation skills, so with that foundation I imagine it won't take long to have you creating small mirages of your own."

            We kneeled and  it didn't take long for me to find myself back in the Hive- Irene materialized next to me though, taking in my homeland with curiosity, "So this is your root." I looked on the honeycomb shaped buildings with fondness, easily spotting the one I grew up in. "Yes, I think I figured if we're expanding on my souls ability the first place I should start is where I started." I shrugged, and began walking to my home. Irene followed and asked questions about the customs and culture here, and as we approached my home I realized that I had taken us back in time as well, the pansies in the garden by the front were something that were only planted in the summer when I was 10. This was confirmed when I saw myself coming out of the house, booking it to the library. "Eager for knowledge even in your youth I see," Irene chuckled, "We are here in spirit, so you won't directly be able to see yourself, though you could potentially affect things, so be careful."

        First I entered my home, taking time to observe my childhood room, taking note of my favorite book on the nightstand, I must be reading it for the first or second time, because it looked almost new compared to the worn and taped together copy I carried. My room was as messy as  could be expected of a ten year old. After reminiscing, we followed myself to the library, where I sat deep in a stack of books on religion. I chuckle, "This is probably the first moment I shifted." as I said it, I saw it. To anyone else it must've looked like I'd fallen asleep, but I watched as I slipped from whatever consciousness I had been in, and saw the shape of my soul change, growing and gleaming with pure light. When I opened my eyes, I seemed to think I had fallen asleep too. Irene was raving, "Amazing. You just switched from a reality where you could've gone your whole life unaware of your power, into one where it would present itself naturally. And as a child. You, my dear, were certainly meant for something great."