Chapter 5: Complicated Thoughts

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I wake up two days later, still thinking about what Naomi said. I have school today, so I get to see Jenna today. That's something to look forward to. I also am still thinking about Daisy. What did it mean when she kissed me on the cheek? These two girls are all I have thought about for the past two days. What the hell is wrong with me?

I get ready and put on black overalls and a purple shirt underneath. I comb my hair slowly, and once I finish, I brush my teeth and run downstairs. I see Mom is asleep on the couch with her glasses still on. I take her glasses off, careful not to wake her, even though she does stir a bit in her sleep, and it scares me, but she doesn't wake up, thank god. I walk away slowly before she walks up, grab my backpack, and start walking to the bus stop. The air around me is chilly, and I like how it feels against my skin. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, and I see the regular kids waiting by the bus. I see the bus pull up just as I get there, and I get on and see Jenna.

"Hi"

"Hey, how was your weekend?" she asks.

"Good, my favorite thing was hanging out with you."

"Same, it was so fun. I would like to do it again soon ."

"Definitely," I say with a smile.

We sit in comfortable silence the whole way after. Once we reach school, we exit the bus and walk to our first class. School is boring as always, but I keep getting thoughts of my feelings and what they are. I'm still unsure if it's a crush or whatever...

Lunch starts, and I can clearly see Naomi side-eying me and Jenna. I see her whisper into her girlfriend's (I didn't know they were dating until she told me Saturday) ear, probably about me, let's be honest.

I roll my eyes at her and continue talking to Jenna.

Jenna smells good today with her new perfume. I wish things were easier for me to figure out. After lunch is finished, I head to my next class with Jenna. Once we are inside, I pull out my computer and look up "Am I Gay? Quiz". And when I get the answer, I gasp. Am I really what it says?

My head goes spiraling in thoughts

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My head goes spiraling in thoughts. It would make sense for what I've been feeling but it seems wrong to just NOT like guys at all. Even my best friend seems to think I'm a lesbian too. At this point, maybe I am. Jenna is too, so I guess if I am, I'm not alone. All of this is messing with my head. School has been so much better with Jenna and homecoming is coming up. Maybe I should ask her to come? The dance might help me figure out my feelings. This is a great opportunity. Once school is over, I start planning. I realize Jenna might think I'm asking her to go with me on a date, so I write down in my notes to ask to go as friends. I realize I can't ask her without a dress! I pull up Amazon and search for cute dresses. That's when I see it. The perfect dress. It's white, long, and beautiful. I put it in my cart and purchased it. It says it will arrive in 3 days. Perfect.

I open my texts and type in my message

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I open my texts and type in my message. "Hey Jenna, would you want to go to homecoming as friends?"

"I would love to go with you Em," she replies.

"Cool, see you then." I reply back with a smile.

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