Read Between the Lines

Chapter 18: Endless bumpy road

ANNTONIA's POV

She looked down at the black graduation robe and hat laid up on her bed. In a week time, she couldn't believe she was graduating. She also couldn't believe it had already been 2 years since she and Michelle had started officially dating. If she's being honest, it wasn't easy. It certainly hadn't been effortless. Most of the time she felt as though they were on a battlefield rather than in a relationship. But then again, she'd always known being with someone like her, with all of her trust issues and insecurities, it could have never been as easy as an afternoon walk in the park. They both taken their chances and she really appreciate how much Michelle put up just to keep up with her. She'd be lying if at first she never thought that the girl would give up on the first 3 months. But all in all, it had been worth it. She loved her so much that at some point, it terrified her, it drained her only to fill her again with life the moment she was close. It was exhausting and very exhilarating. It was a frail, anxious, blissful and consuming love but it's worth it.

After that Melissa incident, they'd ended up making up because she couldn't exactly stay mad at Michelle for the technicality that she hadn't mentioned they were dating and she's her girlfriend. She realized it was just her stupid insecurity trying to pick at the tiny details in the back of her brain, scaring her to death. But ever since, she could feel the strain, and she knew Michelle had been feeling it, too. It was always there, dense and suffocating, hanging over them like an inevitable doom. She had avoided calling it that because she didn't want to give her girlfriend more reasons to think she was just waiting out on the end. But these days, she felt as though she was and Michelle's about to give up and walk away.

She shook off the thought, thinking she didn't need any negative thoughts since it was their graduation week, as well as their 2nd anniversary. It had been a whole 2 years since they'd accepted their feelings and had agreed to start building something together to see where it goes. Sometimes she wondered how it would've been to stay friends without all the complications, but it could be useless, she thought. She didn't regret a single minute of it, as hard as it had been, she still prefer the struggle rather than being close to Michelle and denying herself the urge to touch her. To own her.

Deep in thoughts, she flinched as a sudden soft knock on the door was heard, bringing her out of her reverie and the door slowly opened, Michelle peaking in.

"Love, are you decent?"

The question made her laugh as she turned to her.

"Nothing you haven't seen yet. Come in."

Michelle offered a small smile as she walked in, closing the door behind her ever gently. But one thing she noticed, her smile, it wasn't the same smile that met her all those months ago. It was mostly a ghost of it, an attempt at it for her sake and she knew exactly why is that. Michelle was tired but she never give up. Like she always said, she would keep fighting for what they had because she wanted it, it was worth it and there she thought, little by little, she wanted to bring her smile back.

"Hey," she greeted her as she walked over to her girlfriend and she immediately settled her arms around her waist so naturally like she had forever to keep doing that.

"Hey yourself," Michelle playfully said but with her tired voice as she kissed her temple. "Ready for the big week?"

"Not at all," she groaned, burying her face in her chest. "You?" She asked and she felt her shrug.

"I just can't wait for it to be over, honestly."

She noticed how her voice sounded strained and tired. That made her wonder and looked up at the girl only to see her eyes so exhausted, so indifferent. It was like she no longer had any energy left in her. She couldn't help but overthink and worry that it was because of her. She worried Michelle was tired of fighting for her. For them.