Autumn had gone through the worst mental games throughout the year. Her friends left her, her boyfriend betrayed her, she had no one else. It felt as if her life had been destroyed. Until she realized what she was doing to herself. Until she realize...
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Pain. Agony. Suffering. Those were the only emotions Autumn seemed to feel. Her friends had abandoned her. What she once thought was the love of her life cheated on her with the one person she knew in her heart she could trust - her best friend. The very person she loved and cherished as her ride or die, lied to her. She used Autumn to get more attention. Betrayed her. Caused Autumn suffering beyond what anybody should have to feel. And no matter how hard she tried, no matter how hard she pursued happiness, it melted right out of her grasp.
She was Veiled by Darkness. How would she escape, if at all?
Autumn went day by day in complete torment. She felt numb. Nothing mattered to her. She would go through her regular duties in a state of unawareness. Autumn would go to the store in complete disarray. Oily hair, stained and torn t-shirts, her cuts from self harm displayed for all to see. She even smelt horrible, due to neglecting to take showers.
Autumn didn't care about what others had thought of her. In fact, she wanted people to stay away from her. How could she bear to trust anybody ever again?
One day however, she woke up with a new energy about her. She realized that she had been living in muck, she was filthy, and the way she was treating her body wasn't right. She had scars from the top of her shoulders down to her wrists, trailing across her stomach and to her thighs. She even had one across her cheek. That was her favorite one. Any time she would look at herself she was reminded of her failures in life. And to her, that was the only thing she could feel. It was a small relief to feel something, at the least.
Even though she had a spark of wanting to get her life back together, she could not pull herself out of bed. Any time she would try all she could think was that she had no reason to pick herself back up. Nobody cheered her on. No friends. No boyfriend. No family to consult due to a shitty home life when she was younger. No therapist because she was too scared to trust them with her deepest secrets. She had absolutely nobody but herself. And that, of course, was not enough to get her out of bed. Autumn hated herself. She felt as though something was wrong with her. If people are okay with treating me this way, then surely there is something wrong with me, she thought, and if there is something wrong with me, then I don't deserve to feel loved. I don't deserve to get myself back together and treat my body the right way. To her, the harsh way was the " right" thing to do. It's what she deserved. What her body needed.
But it was wrong. It was the worst way she could possibly treat herself. Autumn was beginning to realize that as she examined all the scars, old and new, on her arms. Her body was destroyed. She had done this to herself. She had put herself through so much unnecessary pain, spending day and night with a knife to her skin. With blood staining her carpet, her clothes, her hands and the insides of her nails. With the stench of the red substance filling her nostrils. The sound of flesh tearing and blood squeezing out. Autumn had done this to herself. Created scars that would not seem to fade away. Making a mark on herself so she would never forget the way her loved ones treated her.
"What am I doing to myself... Why am I allowing myself to be this way?" Tears began to spill down her cheeks, yet she still didn't have the strength to help herself. So, she turned to the only thing she could think to turn to. She grabbed the knife from her bedside table, and began to cut open the old scars that she had. In doing so, she wasn't thinking about anything else but the relief the blade gave her. The endless cycle would never stop.
