Breathing Room (Waiting Room #2)

Chapter 16: Off-Campus (Part 1)

Ryan

Ryan had forgotten how sharp Jacky could be, how angry. Here he was, those dark blue eyes glaring, dark hair longer and mussed, cheeks flushed, in the old yellow light of the stairwell. He was wearing the black leather jacket Ryan liked, over an unfamiliar David Bowie t-shirt.

"It's nice to see you're not dead," Jacky said, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

It was such a Jacky thing to say that Ryan couldn't help himself: he grinned.

Jacky's eyes flashed, and his next words brought Ryan back to the situation. "Were you ever planning on texting me back?"

"Huh?" Ryan had been expecting to hear some kind of explanation relating to his question. He struggled to follow Jacky's train of thought, and the late – early? – hour was making it that much harder for Ryan to think. When was the last time he had texted Jacky? "Oh. Yeah. My phone broke."

Jacky gaped at him.

The silence was too much. "Do you, uh, wanna come in?" Ryan gestured to the inside of the apartment.

"You could have emailed me or something," Jacky said, stepping inside.

That was true. He didn't see the point in arguing about that. He watched Jacky enter the living room and look around.

Ryan followed his gaze, seeing the apartment with new eyes. The beat-up futon with Harper's black hoodie tossed on one arm, a mess of beer bottles and a tangle of game controllers on the coffee table. An overflowing trash bag next to the kitchen island. Several pairs of shoes along the wall by the door. It was a mess, but Ryan was sure Jacky's dorm room wasn't any better, at least based on Jacky's bedroom at home.

One of their last conversations had been about Ryan getting an apartment. That was before Ryan had even met his roommates. "How did you find out where I live?" Ryan asked, then realized the answer. "Monica."

"Yeah." Jacky whirled back on him. "Yeah, I had to call your ex-girlfriend to find out your address."

As much as Ryan thought a hug might break Jacky out of this attack cycle, he wasn't going to let Jacky get away with it. "We broke up." Ryan paused, then corrected himself. "You broke up with me."

It was enough. Jacky's face fell from fury into despair. Ryan hated seeing it, but he held strong.

"I'm sorry," Jacky said softer, not looking at him.

Ryan softened his voice too. He took a step forward. "Why did you come here?"

"I—" Jacky's voice broke. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. I needed to make sure you were okay. I thought—" Jacky's voice hitched, but he was looking at Ryan again. "I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. And I thought you might have decided you wanted to move on. And... I had to be sure. I had to know."

"Were you thinking I had ghosted you? Or that you'd come here and find me in bed with someone?" Ryan had a sudden full-on scenario pop into his head of what might be happening now if Charlie had stayed the night. He wanted to be angry that Jacky might have been jealous, but he tried to imagine if Jacky had told him he'd been seeing someone.

"Maybe?" Jacky rubbed his face. "I don't know anything about your life now. Yes. You said you were seeing someone and I just... I couldn't not know if it was this other person that made you not text back, or if it was because something happened to you, and I'd never find out. You could have gotten hit by a bus and I wouldn't know and I would spend the rest of my life wondering if it was because you hated me."

"Monica would have told you if I got hit by a bus," Ryan said, the corner of his mouth tugging up.

Jacky looked up at him, blue eyes swimming.

"Yeah, she would have."

And for some reason, that was when Jacky broke down crying.

Jacky

He felt so stupid, coming here. He had broken up with Ryan and clearly Ryan had managed to move on with his life, to find someone else. He didn't need Jacky the way Jacky needed Ryan. He was and would always be popular. He'd never had any problems fitting in and finding friends and keeping his life together, even while his mother was dying. He was well-adjusted and didn't have problems and he could smile even now, when Jacky was falling apart.

You know that's not true, a little voice reminded him, but this narrative was much too easy.

Jacky was broken and Ryan wasn't. That was why Ryan found it so easy to move on and why Jacky couldn't.

Tears obliterated his vision, but he had a vague sense of where the door was. He lurched in that direction, desperate to escape this new pain, only to be immediately enveloped by a warm wall of muscle.

Two months without a hug like this. Two months, and it felt like forever was gone in a second. One breath of Ryan's scent hauled out all those memories Jacky had tried to force away.

For the first time in weeks, Jacky took a deep breath and felt his muscles relax into the solidity of Ryan's arms.

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Sorry this chapter is a bit short! I hope the ending makes it all okay :D