Emily
"Noah please." I pathetically sob over the phone to my boyfriend. There's always that one heartfelt yet heartbreaking experience with a first time lover as an insecure teenager with multiple self acceptance issues; undergoing a tunnel of a deep desire towards a want and a need.
He sighs through the other line which pushes me on a physiological edge of virtuality as I fuel myself with consistent false hope for a compromise on his behalf. "Sorry Emily, it's over." A failed execution of happily ever after overshadows the gloomy air and with a few seconds of silence, the line went dead resembling the state I wished to be in.
I take a moment to gather up my tears on a crumpled sheet of toilet paper with the phone still held tightly to my ear. Anger boils up inside of me like a bubbling pot of chicken broth and I think no further than to thrust the outstanding creation of this communication device out of my open window for an emphasis on my glorious pain.
Noah Wilmer, my first love, my first of everything in a boyfriend related sense; now resurrects a corpse in a graveyard. We lasted for a year and a half and things were good, sometimes they were great, but maybe it was me that wasn't enough. In retaliation to what I lack in substance in regards to our love, he found in Ashley White. I knew she had her eye lids taped back when percieving Noah. Unfortunately, it was a shared interraction between the both of them with mutual understanding of the sinister act of backstabbing, but this took a stab to my heart.
The slow climax of secret dates, entertwining hands, tenderly kissing rosy cheeks, sleep overs, sleeping over, perfume scents, lipstick marks, indentation on the skin, scratches because the signs were screaming at me. I was holding onto a sinking boat with no life jacket hoping for the ocean to turn into a dry desert. Once water eroded my lungs I began to understand why I couldn't swim. I was scared to let go of the boat because that's what kept me stabilized, but now wants me to drown. A disguise of a blessing, a lesson in which will allow me to release my grip and float.
Just when I start enjoying a little bit of life something always has to come between and ruin my thunder. My life is a mess, but with Noah by my side, I actually thought I had a streak of light flashing through my dark mind. Now he's gone as well, which has left me in complete darkness once again.
I would have gotten up and rush towards my mother for motherly advise and comfort, but unfortunately my mother died when I was just five years old, and on top of that I have an abusive father whenever he had alcohol in his body-which was quite often.
Noah was my only shine of happiness, but now he has betrayed me and left me stranded in a life where happiness can never be found.
Usually I am not very dependent on people to help me through obstacles in my life. I am strong, and I am courageous enough to do my own shit by myself.
Okay not my own shit-I meant that I'm strong and courageous enough to help myself with the problems that surface in my life.
Better.
Everyone that has been involved in my life at some point has either always left without an explanation, or just didn't give a shit about me and said fuck it. Leaving me in severe acrimony.
I have had many people that have bailed on me in my childhood. Left me alone in my room, and if I was crying; they'd give sympathetic smiles and walk away without a second glance. Never a hug, or are you okay? No sign of concern.
Don't worry I'm fine, I'll just cry an Ocean out and drown away my sorrows; feel free to watch.
Growing up has been hard for me to endure and now that I'm 17 I am learning new things everyday about the world that we live in. I have learned how life is not always fair, people will leave at some point, don't slack off in your education or you will go nowhere, one mistake in your life and you'll be behind bars, and what goes around comes back around.
Its sad to see our world slowly loosing its balance negatively by all of the demeaning choices our generation is making today. The possibility of this action can only be by the human beings that surround us everyday throughout the entire world. Whatever decisions and choice of actions the people in our world make, will impact all of us either in a negative or positive manner. Society is an empire that declares to be known in this planet, it either brings you down or brings you up along with many problems. There's no winning.
I take my thoughts with me as I make my way to an empty room, outside of my home.
About 7 years ago I was a depressed wreck. With my mother being gone and my abusive father-I had no idea about what my purpose in life was anymore. Late night crying and cutting my wrists became a daily routine.
But one day, I came across an empty room. I breathed in the scent of ashes and dust while roaming my eyes around the lonesome room. The walls burned down, floors old and chipped, pile of bricks and wood beside the entrance, and in the middle of this ghostly room was a big beautifully haunting chandelier. And under that dull chandelier, was a piece of instrument.
I slowly took cautious steps towards the wise grand instrument, and take a moment to gaze over the beautiful pattern carvings on the wooded part of the piece. This old thing must've been around for centuries. I gently lifted up my pointer finger to brush across the ragged keys in a very delicate manner, thinking that if I pressed too hard it would break and puff into dust. I've never came across anything like this before. I was only 10 at the time and I was so Intrigued with this utensil, or so I thought. A very frail looking stool was placed in front of it, looking as if about to give out on its four legs, but that did not falter my decision of sitting on it.
I played each note without much force, my hands shake Every time I pressed down on a key. The feeling that washes over me every time I flick my fingers on a note, I got a rush of relief.
Ever since that day, I have been playing the piano almost everyday to get the feeling of relief. I've managed to train myself and came up with my own music that related to my life, music that spoke to me every time sadness took a turn.
Today, I look at myself in the mirror and say, you saved me, because I forced myself to give life another shot, I forced myself to put my heart and soul towards the music that I play. I saved myself, and I couldn't be happier to say it.
Over the years I have learned that you don't always need a superman to swoop in when things get too difficult for you to handle, because you are capable of helping yourself. Sometimes, you just like to choose the easy way out.
And that's what I need to continue to do without Noah.
I should probably get my phone.
***
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Grand Piano
Short StoryA girl that struggles alot in life always needs a few minutes just to escape reality. Emily Richards Is 17 years old. Her life is a mess and she is too small to handle some of her problems. But At the end of the day Emily finds herself sitting on a...
