Awsten Knight Imagines

Sleep Alone (read TW)

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM/ATTEMPTED SUICIDE I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH TRIGGER WARNING. THERE WILL PROBABLY BE OTHER TRIGGERING THINGS IN THIS CHAPTER SCROLL AWAY NOW IF THAT BOTHERS YOU. PLEASE.

Awsten was on Tour with his band and wasn't answering the phone, y/n had been calling him for HOURS. It'd ring then say call declined. Why was he ignoring her calls?

"Is everything okay?" She texted, no response.
"Awsten?" Nothing.
"Baby, please. If something's wrong please, just say something, anything. I'll try to help." Again, nothing. Y/n felt tears welt in her eyes, but why was she crying?

She sighed and put her phone down, wiping her tears. She was over reacting, she always did. She felt sick to her stomach, like, something just felt off.

She laid in bed, hoping, praying Awsten would say anything at all.

Then her phone vibrated.

"Y/n, I am fine. You shouldn't be so clingy, seriously. It's not good for you." Awsten texted, y/n sobbed. She knew that already, she also knew he hated when she got all worried over him.

"Can we talk?" He asked, the question gave her anxiety.

"Yeah. What's up?"

"Over the phone." Y/n's heart started beating faster than before, she answered Awstens call.

"Love, are you around anyone?" He asked, "no. Why?" "Okay, uhm. I just- I feel like me being away on tour and you being so far away just isn't working. It feels like we aren't talking a whole lot, we've argued more than ever lately. I just feel like this isn't working." He said, y/n felt herself on the verge of tears again.

"W-what?"

"I'm sorry y/n. I just- im tired of all of it." He said, "are you breaking up with me?" She asked, suddenly being more mad than anything.

"Yes." He said, "you're such a jerk! Over the phone too?! Seriously?" She asked, angry tears making their way down her face.

"I don't get home for another month and I can't do this for another month y/n! This is what I'm talking about! It's like walking around eggshells with you!" Awsten said, him clearly being upset too. Did he just... throw shade at her for being emotionally unstable?

It made her immediately go silent and start crying.

"I'm sorry. Please don't go." She cried, "Y/n, no." It made her sob even harder.

"Please Awsten! Baby, you know I'm nothing without you! Please!" She whined, Awsten sighed and hung up. This made her scream. She started throwing a fit. How could he?! Was she just not good enough?!

She started clawing at her skin, it used to be how she'd cope other than cutting herself or ripping her hair out. All three were seriously not good for her, but it somehow helped.

She felt her heart racing, she couldn't take this! She just couldn't! How could he do that?! Just hang up on her?? She screamed into her pillow until it hurt to, she realized nothing was helping.

She was clean for 3 years because her and Awsten had been together, but she knew it would maybe help. She scrambled through her dresser draw and pulled out a razor blade. She thought for a second, hesitating. Did she really wanna do this?

She took a deep breath and did a small cut on her arm, far enough from a vein so she wouldn't have cut too deep on accident. It somehow felt soothing. She did it a few more times, narrowing avoiding any kind of accidental suicide. When she ran out of space on one wrist she moved to the other, then her thighs. She realized what she was doing after mindlessly mutilating herself.

"Oh fuck." She mumbled, the warm blood trickled from her thighs. She sighed and bandaged herself up. She just had the urge to self distruct as much as she could. She grabbed the blade before putting the bandages on and carved a small heart into her thigh, then she put the bandages on.

She sighed at the sight of her body, why did she do that? 3 years clean and it was just gone.

Y/n walked out of her bedroom and into her kitchen, grabbing a canned beer out of the fridge. She hated drinking, but, god anything was better than Awstens words echoing through her head.

"It's like walking around eggshells with you."

She took a sip of the beer and left her phone in her bedroom. She turned on a movie and drank. She sat there for a good four hours and drank half her weight in alchohol. Everything was spinning and she was giggling. She stumbled into her room and laid in bed, her phone vibrated. Awsten. She gagged, absolutely not.

She powered her phone off, she didn't need it. She passed out in bed at around 2am. She woke up with a pounding headache and someone beating on her door. She groaned, "what the fuck?!" She yelled. She grouchily got up and answered the door, it was Awsten.

"What the fuck is up with you?" He asked, clearly having been worried sick all night. He looked like he didn't sleep.

"Why are you here? You're supposed to be on tour." She groaned, Awsten sighed deeply.

"You weren't answering and then my messages wouldn't send. I was worried sick, i had to come check on you." He said, "I'm a grown woman. I can check on myself, thanks." She rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah? Why're you covered in bandages then?" He asked, grabbing her wrist. She pulled it away quickly, "It's not your business. You couldn't do this for another month, remember? You shouldn't be here, Awsten." She nagged. Awsten pushed past her and closed her front door.

"Why does it smell like beer in here?" Awsten asked, "why do you fucking care aws?! You didn't care enough to stay around and now you're soooo worried about me?" She asked, Awsten turned towards her.

"I do care. I'm so sorry that I didn't wanna hurt you by us not talking. I didn't want you to think I was losing interest and then take it out on yourself."

"Well you're a Little late for the whole checking on me thing. Okay? So just- leave. Forget I ever happened." She sighed, "what? Y/n, no. Why are you covered in bandages?" He asked again, "it doesn't fucking matter Awsten." She Fake smiled.

"Yes it does." Y/n simply rolled her eyes, Awsten grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him.

"Let me see." "Let me go!"

"Y/n, don't do this." "Fucking let go! Awsten!" Y/n yelled, Awsten held her close to him, usually it calmed her down. Despite her trying to shove him, he didn't budge. Eventually she gave up and just leaned on him while pressed to his chest.

"Shh. I've got you." He whispered, running his fingers through her hair. She leaned on his chest and her breathing slowed down, she realized how exhausted she was, she was basically using him entirly as support.

He carried her to her room, he knew exactly why she was covered in band aids, he just knew she didn't clean them and he wanted to at least offer to.

He left it alone and laid her on her bed, she cuddled up to his chest and they fell asleep like that.