Awsten Knight Imagines

What if? (Angst)

Y/n woke up and immediately went to text her boyfriend Awsten, who was currently on tour with his band, but was met with a long paragraph that tore her soul in half.

"Hi princess. I have to write this to tell you that I can't be with you anymore. I am so fucking sorry. It's not because I don't love you or that I found someone else, I just have such a hard time balancing loving you and being on tour. You're all I think about all the time, and that's the issue. Lately I've been preforming worse and it's really taking a toll on the band's reputation. You know I wouldn't just do this out of no where but I can't keep letting every one down. I love you. I just need to get my mind right and focused on what's infront of me rather than who is hundreds of miles away. I love you a lot. I know this is gonna crush you, and I'm sorry. I feel like I've been paying less attention to you because of music and I feel horrible for it. You deserve so much bettter, sweetheart."

She immediately felt sick. Why would he do this? She put her phone down and started crying. To make matters worse, she was wearing one of his hoodies and had sprayed her pillow with his cologne before he went on tour and it hadn't worn off yet.

She wanted to leave her room because all it made her do was think about him. She took his hoodie off and threw it on the floor, sobbing aggressively into her pillows that still smelled like him. Then her phone buzzed again, she was struggling to breathe. Awsten was her Everything, her whole life. She screamed into the pillow and punched it repeatedly.

"WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!" She screamed, "WHY ARENT I GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE?!" She screamed even louder. She screamed into the pillows while sobbing until her throat was sore. After a while she got up to go to the bathroom, after she did her business and couldn't help but picture Awsten behind her in the mirror while she washed her hands. She leaned against the wall of her bathroom and slid down it, taking short deep breaths while absolutely wailing in her hands.

Usually Awsten was there when she broke down like this, but, for obvious reasons, right now he wasn't. She grabbed her phone off the counter and quickly dialed his number, it wasn't a good idea but she was shaking and really needed him. He answered,

"W-where are y-you?" She asked him, still in tears.

"A few states over, why?" He said,

"I-I need you. Please." She gasped, still crouched on the floor.

"Ba- I-I mean Y/n, I'm on tour I can't just drive home." He sighed,

"Awsten, p-please." He could tell she wasn't doing well. He took a deep breath, "What's going on?" He asked

"I can't b-breathe. I-I think- I-I think I'm having a-a panic attack." She tried to take deep breaths to calm herself down but it wasn't working and her heart was racing, it felt like it was gonna pop.

"Take a Deep breath, okay?" He said, y/n tried to take a deep breath, and after a few minutes she was finally able to.

"I need you here, god damnit." She sobbed, "I know, I'll be home as soon as I can." That wasn't good enough, she needed him now. She heard him talking to someone, but she couldn't make out what was said.

"I'll be home in a few hours, do you think you'll be okay until then?" "I-I don't know."

"Fuck. Okay. I'm driving home right now, youll- you'll see me soon." He said, getting in his car and starting it. He knew he'd have to drive there as fast as he could without getting pulled over. He posted on the parx account about it being a family emergency and that everyone would get their money back for the last 2 shows that he'd have to miss.

Y/n curled up in bed and cried, she cried and cried and cried. Why did he have to do that to her? What the fuck did she do to deserve that? She put her phone on do not disturb and ignored every ones texts all day. She didn't eat, she didn't even leave her bedroom. Her bed smelled like him and it made her want to die. She didn't wanna be anywhere but home, but home smelled like Awsten. She cried until she was coughing and breathing weird.

She couldn't stop thinking about all the "what ifs". What if they never get back together? What if he doesn't even show up? What if she deserved this? What if he hated her? She felt so bad about him having to cancel shows over her mental illness.

A few hours later Awsten showed up to her house and let himself in using the key that he kept on the same keychain as his car keys.

He quickly walked into y/n's room and saw her sitting there, rocking back and forth, crying, and violently shivering. He sat on her bed and she immediately hugged him, nearly tackling him. She sobbed into his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back.

"It's okay, im here. Calm down." He whispered. Y/n took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down.

"Why?!" She cried out, getting off of him and just sitting on her bed.

"What?" He asked, "why did you dump me?! Was I not good enough?"

"No, no! Baby, you know it's not like that!" He said, trying to not make this into an argument. He didn't want to break up with her, she was the love of his life.

"Then why?!" She sobbed, "I had to. I'm sorry." He said, nearly crying because he hated seeing her like this. She hated it but she knew it was true. She hugged him again and kept crying.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you." She mumbled, sitting in his lap while he held her and hugged her.

"It's okay Princess." He wiped her tears and held her close. She'd never felt so safe until right now. Awsten was her person.

"I love you so much. Why can't we just stay together?" She whined, "I love you too, and because I think I'm too inlove with you. It's like- you're all I think about. And it's really distracting me on stage, especially when you aren't there with me. I keep wanting to look over and smile at you and hug you after shows and it's crushing me that you aren't there. It's ruining my spirit on stage. People are noticing. I'm sorry. If there was a way for you to come with us every tour, I wouldn't have to had broken up with you how I did." He hugged her tightly.

She cried, "can you just take me with you?" She whispered, "baby, what about your family? You know they'd be confused as to why you're in different states and even across the world."

"They all hate me." She sniffled and quietly laughed. "Fine. You can come with next tour. But I'll warn you, those bunks are not the comfiest." He laughed, "so are we back together?" She asked, Awsten giggled, "yes baby. We are." Y/n audibly "yay"ed and hugged Awsten.