Lost But Found

ONE

Cassie Kennedy:

Selma Majd:

Doctor Bidelspach:

     I'm at the therapist because I broke up with Theo. I know this might seem like a strange beginning for a story, but, isn't the end a beginning too? 

I cried really hard for several days, stayed in bed for a week or two, maybe a month (I lost count of the days), watched many sad romcoms.. 

Selma, my best friend, tried to cheer me up, but she couldn't. She tried everything; pushing me out of bed, making me watch friends over and over again... She even threatened me. I felt bad about making her worry.

And that is why, I'm at the therapist. Last time she came, Selma took my hands and looked me in the eyes with a pitiful expression "Please" she said in a shaky voice "I beg you to take care of yourself. Don't make me worried about you. I tried a lot but apparently you need someone who will make you feel so much better. Please.. "
I had no choice.

                *             *            *

      Dr. Bidelspach is a tall pretty lady. She looks so much younger for a forty year old woman. Her black wavy hair matched her thick dark eyebrows. Gorgeous eyebrows! And her lips were so well defined. Not a single trace of makeup on her face. So original. So natural. 

However, her office seemed different. So colorful. Too bright and too.. Fake? I had trouble realizing that it was her office. The walls were a mixture of colors, her chair was light green. Oh and don't get me started with the patient's couch. It's a blinding yellow.

 
I can just shout "Oops! Sorry, I have something else to do! " Then run, go back home, and if Selma asks, I'll say I accidently stepped into a kindergarten and couldn't find the therapist she recommended. But my mouth was dry and my legs were shaking like castanets.

 I had tried therapy once before when I was younger, but let's just say it didn't go well. It was basically me crying while the therapist tossed me tissues like confetti—we didn't even have a real conversation! I came home looking like I'd lost a fight with an onion and took the world's longest nap. Seriously, I should've just given him cash for the Kleenex instead of paying for his "expertise." 

I'll try not to cry this time.

Dr. BrideSplash, or whatever her name was, welcomed me with a big warm smile and pointed to the yellow couch. I sat quietly, while she took a pen and sat on her green chair. She smiled again and said:"You don't look comfortable my dear. Please, have trust in me and empty your heart. I'm all ears"

I had tried therapy once before when I was younger, but let's just say it didn't go well. It was basically me crying while the therapist tossed me tissues like confetti—we didn't even have a real conversation! I came home looking like I'd lost a fight with an onion and took the world's longest nap. Seriously, I should've just given him cash for the Kleenex instead of paying for his "expertise."

Well, what was I supposed to do? I spilled the tea, talked about almost everything: about how my mother was so busy with her work that she didn't notice me staying home for days,how my feelings were throwing a wild house party without an invite, about how I broke with Theo just when I thought he was the one for me...  

Meanwhile, BrideSplash kept nodding her head and writing things down. The way she didn't make lots of eye contact made me more comfortable. I don't like eye contact. It scares the shit out of me. 

   An hour or so passed with me complaining about everything and BrideSplash nodding and writing at the same time. When I finished talking, she lifted her head, settled in her seat, then said: " Now now, I'm here to make things clearer to you. So listen closely, you are the prisoner of your mind. "

I settled in my seat too, feeling curious about what she's about to say. 

"You are a teenager, which means you are creating your personality, you are experiencing new things and your feelings are stronger. But let me point to the relationship problems. Society made us believe that a person without a significant other is a loser. And that is one of the reasons why couples nowadays break up quickly. They want to find love quickly, so that they feel complete. But love, comes in unexpected ways. It is not something that you simply take, like a shoe or a pencil. It takes time and patience to find your significant other. You may ask, why is she talking about this point exactly? That's considering the fact that you never truly loved anyone before"

She paused for a moment, and before I could speak, she continued: "Believe me when I say you don't know the true meaning of love. Listening to you for.." She looked at the clock "43 minutes exactly, I noticed that eighty percent of your problems are about relationships. Though, you don't really need one. Look, lovers are supposed to make us happier, not happy. "

I don't know why, but i started feeling like steam was coming out of my ears. Maybe because it's scaring me. All what she's saying. It feels like meeting myself, if I could say so. My mind knows that what BrideSplash was saying is true, but my heart keeps denying it. I hate that she's right. 

"Teenagers not only get themselves into relationships to feel complete, but to get attention too. And no one has the right to blame you. In a world like this, we all want attention. Because we need it, not because we just want it. And we deserve it! Look at yourself. Your mother isn't always there for you-"

"Never.." I mumbled.

"Exactly, and that is a clear reason why you need attention. Parents are meant to give us that. Thus, if we don't get it, we will seek it from other people. Am I wrong? "

I lifted my head. She wasn't waiting for an answer. She was looking at me with that warm smile of hers. For a brief moment, I felt a strange feeling. Comfort, maybe.. And I wished she was my mother. 

Suddenly, she stood up and gave me a sheet. I glanced at her hand, but everything around me felt like a haze. I could feel the tears starting to well up.

"You know you can cry" 

I got to my feet and said, "No, thanks. I think it's time for me to head home." As I made my way to the door, she grabbed my hand and said, "We're not done yet. I'll let you go but I want you to please go back to school"

"Why?"

"You need to go out, make new friends, to forget a bit,.. Go to school. "

I kept studying her face for a moment, then left.