After Us

Chapter 4

The soles of Jisung's shoes scrap across the rough concrete walkway as he drags his feet toward work. The weight of his past actions pulls at his mind making it hard to do anything. A weekend that should have been spent writing songs had turned into him laying in the dark and staring at his ceiling contemplating the total hell Friday night had turned into. His mind constantly replaying the other's hurtful words, he can't recall if he'd eaten over the past couple of days. "I imagine he married that fiancé and spends every night fucking her, wishing it was me."

If only he knew just how wrong, yet true his words were.

Minho...

The man is the very ideal Jisung has built his life around. The memories of their time together and the goal to one day know him again had been the driving force pushing Jisung forward all these years. Seeing him approach their table had sent his heart flying from his chest. His shock quickly became hope. This was his chance. A chance he thought he'd lost in New York...

Minho is just as beautiful as he remembered. Just as perfect. A flawless collection of delicate lines and sharp angles that had never failed to steal his sanity away. It'd been like that since the first time Jisung saw him. The handsome bartender the forbidden fruit in his garden of Eden. Tired of denying himself and desperate for a taste of sin he'd sworn it would only happen once. But Minho was like heroin, it only took one time for him to be hopelessly addicted. Jisung had fallen hard for the dancer as he glowed in the bar bathroom light.

The past years had been spent fiening for the man, craving for another hit from the only person who'd made him feel whole. Every relationship after Minho had been him chasing the ghost of his lover, yet never finding it. His heart had fallen from the cliff of reason the day Minho left. The crash at the bottom still hasn't come, it's been falling so long it's like gravity is gone and he's floating.

He'd known that if they were to meet again it wouldn't be easy. As much as his heart was hurting the damage done to Minho had been far worse. He'd lied, cheated, and then in a moment of self loathing and fear he'd spoken hateful words he could never take back. He would have to prove himself, show Minho that he was different now... a better man. That had been his plan months ago.

He'd practiced a thousand times what he would say if they ever met again, but the words of regret and love had dissolved on his tongue the instant he'd seen the cold look in Minho's eyes. Eyes that watched him with hatred and pain...the same expression he'd worn the night he'd thrown Jisung out of his apartment.

The elder hadn't even given him a chance. With eyes of steel and a razor tongue, he'd cut Jisung off at the knees. Being so close but unable to touch felt like drowning. Like he was sinking to his death, the shoreline in sight but knowing he'd never reach it.

Treating Jisung like a stranger was the first of many wounds that night. Followed by the free drinks, an unnecessary reminder that Minho can have anyone he wants. A fact made clear by the petty hints about his celebrity hookups and active sex life. The worst part, is that the deepest cut of all was hearing his own words spoken out loud.

"He called me a fag that night... said I was nothing but a good time and a fun ride."

Minho was a cannibal and with every dig, every reference to their past he'd taken a bite out of Jisung. By the time Minho had left hanging on the arm of the couple with hungry eyes, there'd been nothing left of him but bones. His remains picked clean by the vultures disguised as his friends. It's not their fault. They had no idea that the ex they were talking trash about was him.

He wishes he could go back in time and punch the younger version of himself in the face. Beat his ass and then hold himself close as he cried. His words back then, a reflection of his self-hatred had been thoughtlessly used to hurt the one person he never wanted to lose. Minho's heart wasn't the only one he'd broken that night.