Revolutions

55 - Haesan

The vibrant magenta scarf stands out like a beacon as the sun crowns the sky, beckoning me to carry out my plan. I find myself lingering at the edge of Chalqo's tent, having counted numerous breaths in the time spent here, savoring the crisp mountain air that has journeyed from the distant slopes and traversed the vast plains to grace this Atima refugee camp. What I've formulated will be difficult—that, I am certain. However, in speaking to Yachaman and Nuqasiq, I've become more determined than ever in seeking justice for how I've been wronged.

I've recognized that, up until now, I've merely gone along with whatever has been laid out for me, planned for me. My fate has been left for someone else to determine, without any regard for what I want. I never questioned my circumstances, feeling indifferent to the path that was selected for me. But after the recent revelations and developments, I refuse to go along with whatever anyone else has deemed for me any longer. Staring at the magenta scarf, I feel that, for the first time in my life, I'm making my own decisions and determining my own way forward. I will not let someone dictate how I am to live my life anymore.

"So, how do you suppose we will find the people you're looking for?" Yachaman asks. And this is the first difficulty in my plan that will need to be overcome. I don't expect the Qente Waila to be announcing their presence freely, especially while we're still in Tapeu territory. The Jade Hummingbird has, quite sensibly, kept a discreet presence, operating beneath the surface in the most literal sense: they navigate Qapauma by utilizing the intricate corridors of the catacombs and convening in the secrecy of the shadows. It was only my persistence in encountering Onixem that I was able to discover their existence, albeit she wasn't necessarily the most discreet about her membership. I highly doubt the other members of the organization would be so careless.

"Well," I begin, searching for a response, "I think the first step for me is to rid myself of my old identity. Shed the garments of my prior life and emerge as a butterfly, existence renewed."

"You mean the garments I hauled all the way to this wretched campsite?" Yachaman asks, clearly annoyed. I completely understand her frustration with this news, traveling all this way to have me thrust this unannounced change of direction upon her on a whim. Yet it's been something I've pondered as I've been recovering from my injuries, and since I was informed that I am not, in fact, Achope. This discovery has shaken my foundation to the core. Everything I thought I knew about my identity has been a lie.

The thoughts occurred to me as I was sitting inside Chalqo's tent, having rested for a lengthy amount of time on his bedroll. I gazed upon my torn and tattered dark purple and gold outfit, the shades of my prior life, and felt betrayed. How am I to carry on as though I am Achope? Where do I actually belong? Where do I go from here? It was in those moments when I decided I needed to remove myself from all of the identifying characteristics that made me Achope. It wasn't until Yachaman returned my belongings to me when I saw the overwhelming number of dark purple and gold garments, and I knew for certain that a change was needed, that I had to physically part from my former life.

"I apologize, Yachaman," I say—only slightly sincerely, if I may be honest. "It's something that recently occurred to me, and it's something I feel I must do. I hope you can understand and forgive me."

She twists her mouth into various frowning shapes before rolling her eyes and sighing. "Yes, Lady Haesan, I understand. I can still be annoyed, however."

"That, you may," I grant her, to which she releases a spurt of air from her tightly pressed lips in a scoff and, if my eyes don't deceive me, a hint of a smile.

"I believe we shall do some shopping and look for some new clothing," I declare, proud of my idea—and a little excited, if I may add, as well. "We should remove any trace of our former lives; mine of the Achope, and yours of the ridiculous indentured servitude. If the Aimue are going to insist your service to me, then I will insist you will wear what you prefer."