all those nightmares

Chapter Three

I heard a faint voice speaking in the backround. I tried to focus & figure out what it was saying. However I was distracted by the fact that I was holding my breath & in desperate need of oxygen. Willing my lungs to cooperate, I slowly released the breath I had been holding for quite some time & took in a long deep lungful of air. Returning my breathing & heartrate back to normal, I again tried to focus on what was being said in the backround. This time with more concentration. It was definatly a voice, a familiar one. A soft, playful sound with an under lying trace of concern. Siggy's. I opened my eyes that I weren't even aware were closed & returned back from where ever my mind had taken me. "Lydia!" Siggy yelled, snapping her slim fingers in front of my face. "What?! What is it siggs?" "Are you really going to make me say it again?" Siggy said with a sigh, "Well, I won't know what you wanted to tell me if you don't" I replied. "Ughh, I saaaaid that I know I'm a terrible friend for asking you this, that you'll probably scream at me for being so inconsiderate buuut Elijah invited me to this party & its at shadow park and I was wondering if we could go? Its what I was going to tell you about today at school but you seemed happy & I didn't wanna ruin that" Siggy said with a blush & a look that was screaming " please don't hate me." I shrugged my shoulders. I really was 50/50 about this stupid party. I really wanted to go because partying & seeing Tom seemed like a dream night. However the absoulute horror surrounding that place was making me choke back tears. Siggy instantly saw this & pulled me into her arms. "I already checked with Elijah, its no where near... you know..." she said quietly. I couldnt help myself for a second & thought this is it? This is all Siggy had to tell me. This is all she wanted to say. It wasn't as big of a deal as she made it out to be..... I let out a giggle, I just answered my own question. With a big sigh I said "Okay." "Really?! Oh my God, I'm so excited! But I feel awful at the same time, are you sure your okay with this?!" Siggy exclaimed with a bunch of different emotions clouding her face. "Yes, yes, yes, I'm fine with going & you are not a terrible friend!" I replied with a bright smile, a real smile. Even though she hesitated for a moment I knew how relieved & happy Siggy was. Which made me feel happy. I closed my eyes for a moment & took in what I had actually just agreed too. I have to admit it feels sort of empowering in some weird way. The fact that I wasnt letting the past or guilt control me in doing something I really wanted too. With a deep breath, I pushed every negative thought I had out of my mind & looked for something to wear. The thought of seeing Tom's eyes pop out at the sight of me has really stuck. So I am now determined to make it actually happen. Smiling to myself I put on Partition by Beyonce & started getting ready, while dancing around with Siggy.

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No way in hell. Siggy continued to whine but I didn't care. There was no fucking way we were taking her car. "Siggs I agreed to go to this stupid party, the least you can do is-" "Fine! We'll take your car since you wanna play the guilt card, which by the way is a real asshole move" Siggy said with a loving smile & a roll of her eyes. I happily skipped over to my car & hopped in. Siggy gracefully took her spot beside me & got straight to her job of being dj as I backed out of the driveway. "Often, often girl I do this often. Make that pussy poppin', do it how I want it." Me & Siggy were singing our hearts out, twerking in our seats. I was getting hella excited to get there & turn up. Then there was another part of me just trying to distract myself from where I was actually going to be in two minutes. OH WILL YOU JUST FUCKING RELAX, GET DRUNK & HAVE SOME PRETTY BOY SEX. My sub-concious screamed at me crossing her arms & tapping her foot. Rolling my eyes at her, I pulled into a parking spot & parked perfectly. I took a long deep breath & got out. While we were walking Siggy took my hand & gave it a reasuring squeeze, as we headed towards the music. The entire male population at the party was pretty much drooling at the sight of us. Which was expected considering what we were wearing. Me in my corset that complimented my full bust line, with a pair of black legging's that showed off my massive ass & red flats, that did not help with my 5'0 status. Siggy insisted on curling my hair which ended up being wavy because of its thickness. This made it reach down to the middle of my back instead of my bum. For my make-up, I did a dark smokey eye, the best conturing you'll ever see & deep red lipstick. Needless to say I looked hot with a splash of sexy. Siggy went for her signature 1960's look. A strapless skintight red dress that reached about mid thigh. With tiny crystals trailing along the top & bottom. Bringing attention to her assests, very Marilyn Monroe. Her make-up was perfect, again very Marilyn Monroe. Red lips, whìte eyeshadow & even the mole above her lip. Her hair was curled framing her face & was once again very Marilyn Monroe. Siggy always took inspiration from Marilyn when she wanted to look sexy. When we had made it to the center of the party, one guy turned around & made howling noises. I simply rolled my eyes & laughed along with Siggy. We instantly made our way over to a table & sat down. While Siggy was pouring our shots from the bottle that her mom gave us, I started searching for Tom in the crowd. I pouted slightly when I didn't see him. However that was quickly replaced by a smile as me & Siggy took three shots in a row. To be honest, the person who said diamonds are a girls best friend clearly never had vodka. I mean diamonds are too don't get me wrong. Then again so is chocolate, peanut butter, ice-cream.... food period is a girls best friend. This thought made me laugh a loud, eye watering laugh. After I got myself under control I realized the fact that I am smashed. Holy fuck drunk as a skunk should be tattooed on my forehead because I am hella turnt. WOW WHO KNEW YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE FUN! YOU BEING DRUNK MEANS I AM TOO OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING, HAHA I LOVE YA YOU DUMB SKANK! Even my sub-concious was having a good time, which is a clear sign that I was too. All thoughts of fear, guilt & anxienty were gone. Leaving me with only the happy, fun & exciting ones. It suddenly occured to me that I hadn't taken that many shots, leaving me confused as to how I was so drunk. Looking down to somehow find the reasoning, I nearly fell over with shock & surprise.

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Hello to my beautiful readers, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I have a 5 month old daughter who keeps me super busy. I will be getting back into the habit of updating every other day! I'm to excited to share this story with you! So not updating drives me crazy! Thank you all again for taking the time to read my story! But please don't be a ghost reader & give me feedback. Positive comments, negative comments, questions etc. & please excuse any mis-spellings, I have to proof read everything myself so I dont always catch every mistake! Also please like my story & follow me so that I know you want me to keep writing! I appreciate everyone that has read this so far! Thank you again, your amazing! Xoxo -Asta