HAITHEN - The Void That Lies -

Excerpt 2

December 12th, 2023

Somehow I almost forgot about this diary, it feels like my memories are deteriorating. Well, bad way to put it, but mainly some parts in my brain are. I've been having trouble doing basic things like eating or sleeping. And the feeling of loneliness has only been hurting me more and more as the days go on.

It's hard describing how life has been since that day, now that more time has passed it's just been feeling empty. I don't think I really know what to do now, everything's gone. I've been isolating myself for about... what, a little under 2 weeks? I haven't seen my friends in a couple weeks. Haven't been to my favorite bar with them on the usual time. It feels lonely. Loneliness isn't something I felt since childhood. I feel like I'm reliving that childhood, minus the family that cares about me. I've had countless messages from them, friends too. I'm not courageous enough to respond, I don't know what to say. "My daughter died and my wife left me"? I don't want to tell them that, I don't even know how they'll respond. I want to say something, my mouth feels taped shut and my fingers feel cold and ripped apart.

A cat broke into my home like 2 days ago. A black cat, it looked cute. Usually I'd have to kick it out because Samantha was afraid of cats, but there's no one to be afraid of cats at this moment. It stayed for a day, until I woke up the next day. It was gone, shame. On another note, I started drawing again. They're coming out... differently from my usual style but it's a fun way to spend time. I've had days where I skip eating altogether and just draw. Some drawings got messed up because I may accidentally cough up blood since I sometimes just... nevermind, not getting into that.

I've also been watering some plants that lay right next to my window. I've been ignoring them for a while but I decided to get back to them. At least watering plants gives me something to care for and watch grow, right? Eh... not the same. They say plants are living beings, right? Is that why I sometimes see them moving by themselves with their heads turning at me? Well, I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not sure of anything anymore. It's just one big clusterfuck of a mess called "life", that's the only thing I'm sure of.

This entry is getting too bitter, I'm gonna stop now. I need to calm down, and just draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw and draw

-Alex