Hushing Our Demons (Security Series #1)

Prologue

People... we are all like fragile—close to broken glass. But we all also act like a tough Barbie & Ken. That was the fact a lot of people like to deny—that's what I do.

From the very beginning since the moment I opened my eyes, I knew I was safe. My family—my mother's arms made me feel that way.

That's why I don't get it now that I feel scared of her own choice. I was scared for so many reasons... Yet I knew, I am alone now.

I don't care. I shouldn't care.

As I remember the day I found out my father died. My soul died with him... And owing to the fact that that incident includes me... Makes me regret living after him.

I should just be the one who got killed, right? I shouldn't have lived after that incident. I should've saved my father from being murdered.

That was what they were saying. That was what they were gossiping about. Talking behind our backs, talking dirty about my family.

About my name.

I hate that they were all judging me... I feel guilty that I don't even remember a piece of that day.

What really happened? Was I the reason? Did he save me from getting killed? Is he really in my position? A lot of thoughts were creeping in my mind. I couldn't even entertain one because there were so many.

Have you experienced it too? The feeling of being scared to be happy at a moment because you think that something bad might happen after? It sucked, because when I woke up in that hospital bed, I've always had the feeling of being scared...

Like I'm being pierced.

Like I'm being paranoid.

Like I'm being watched.

I was 12 when my father died... And people around me said it was my fault, so I lived under its guilt. I lived half of my life with nothing but guilt. Guilty because I don't get to say a thing. Guilty because I knew nothing. Guilty because U couldn't remember what really happened... All I know is I woke up with a gun shot and bruises around my body, that's all.

As I looked in the mirror each morning, I couldn't even bear to appreciate my existence, but why would I? Everyone made me feel that my existence was the root of my parents'downfall, and I knew they weren't wrong.

Up until now, I still couldn't remember a thing. I hate that I couldn't do anything about it. I've been trying, really. I let myself be adventurous, just maybe, it'll help.

Pero wala, wala pa rin talaga akong maalala.

Sa tuwing tinatanong ako ni Gia kung may naaalala na ba ako... All I could do is look away and change the topic.

I couldn't even help myself... And I fucking hate it, it makes me feel like I'm nothing. Like I'm useless.

And so, I lived alone under the custody of myself. I figured to be independent the moment my dad died, what can I do? My mom got married one month after my dad's death. Also, I didn't even get the chance to meet her new husband, well, not until three days before their marriage.

And so, I promised myself to never get married, I'm afraid I might be like my mom. I'll never forgive myself if that happens.

I've forgiven my mom for neglecting me... But I'll never forgive him for doing that to my dad, too. As I remember how I loved to watch my mom and dad dance every breakfast time... There are more times that I want to remember my past.

And so, my goal is to remember what happened that day... What happened on August 7, 2014.

I promise myself to do things better this time... Because I need to remember those memories, it's the only way to forgive myself for not saving my father.

He saved me a lot of times already, he did his duty as a father to me. It's my time to pay him as I please. I'll give justice to him, to my father, to my savior.