Blaise

1.

The repetitive sound of my mouse clicking helps ease the anxiety that washes over me. I had an overwhelming day at work today, for some reason even with my social anxiety I decided to work at a small café. Thinking about the customers I had to face puts a dampen on my mood.

I've never been good at putting myself out there. I frighten easily and even when I try my best to come across as normal I can tell that despite my effort it isn't working. Public education never worked out for me either. I've been doing online school since I was in 8th grade when I had a panic attack so bad my mother finally caved in and let me switch.

My room has become a safe haven for me. Its filled to the brim with stuffed animals and muted pink colors. I've spent years building up my collection of posters and trinkets to fill any empty space. My prized possession will forever be the computer my mother bought me.

I quickly make an account for the new game I downloaded off of steem a few weeks ago that I never got around to playing. The excitement of not having work for the next two days makes me giggle to myself. I can finally waste away and forget the outside world exists. I place my pink headset over my ears and que up.

The bright screen flashes. And after a few long moments of silence that's when I hear it. Another voice.

"Hello? Do you have a mic?" A deep husky voice sounds in my ear. I jump slightly due to my surprise. I guess in my haste I forgot to turn off the voice chat option before playing. I bite my lip nervously while deciding whether or not I should respond. This game was two player and it would be a lot easier to get through it if we could just converse but my stomach still dropped at the thought.

worry clouds my brain.

Guys are never really that nice to girls who play games.

What if he's mean if I mess up on something?

What if he thinks my voice is ugly?

"Hmm." He hums to himself. I hear him shuffle around slightly and the typing of a keyboard on his end. "I can see you have a mic but its alright if you don't wanna use it. Is it okay if I talk anyways? jump if yes, emote if no." I smile at his courteousness.

I make my character jump twice. We start progressing through the game and I laugh at the little jokes he makes. I even play some pranks on him throughout. He never pressured me to turn on my mic and he genuinely seemed to be having fun, I was also having fun.

We reach a point in the game where its time to take a break. I again mule over if I should just bite the bullet and talk or continue with how things were. I didn't want my stuttering or messed up sentences to cause me to lose the chance of making an online friend. I had been friendless for almost 3 months now.

deciding to just bite the bullet I unmute.

"Hello..." I say hesitantly. I bring my hands up to my mouth afterwards. My face feels hot, I'm not even sure why I'm embarrassed. This isn't real life, I repeatedly chant in my head.

"Oh!" He exclaims excitedly. I hear him let out a deep chuckle. "I'm glad you decided to talk, I felt like a narcissist only hearing my own voice." I feel the smile in his words.

I pause for a moment to think about what to say.

"I'm sorry, I'm a little shy when it comes to speaking." I laugh nervously at the end of my sentence to make things less awkward.

"Its alright, I can be patient for you." My heart skips a beat.

We continue to play through the game this time with my anxiety diminishing. He laughs more and we get along easily, I even find myself letting loose and allow myself to make some corny jokes. Once we finally reach the end of the game I add him as a friend. He accepts it immediately.

"Uh, would you want to -- Could I add you on Instagram or something? I promise I'm not trying to be weird I just thought maybe we could be friends." I rush out. I mess up on my words a little bit but I try not to think too much about it.

"Of course, I had a lot of fun playing with you and I've been looking for someone to play more online games with. I don't think you're weird Pearl." He reassures me. I'm full on smiling now. We exchanged names a few minutes earlier and I was happy he remembered.

He gives me his Instagram and I check the time. The big blaring numbers of 2:57 A.M. instantly trigger a yawn out of me.

"Get some rest Pearl. We can talk more tomorrow." He advises. I sleepily bid him goodnight and disconnect from the game. My bones creak as I stretch. My body feels warm at the thought of finally having some pleasant human interaction.