Beautiful bastard and a girl

1 Million... Soon

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An affirmation

I'm sorry that I've been absent
I'm sorry that I've been distant
If your message didn't receive a reply
Or if your comment didn't receive a like
I'm sorry for that
And thank you for not letting me fade away
Thank you for holding me tight
And making sure that there's a shoulder that I can rely
You from afar, yes you
I'm standing tall because of you
I'm rising up high with you
I like you
I'm greedy for you
For your love
For your attention
For the way you ask me if I'm okay
For the way you call me ma
For those playfully scolding voice notes
For those random updates of your day
For the way you tell me "that's okay, take your time"
For those little heart emojis
Yes I see you
All of you
And thank you
For I don't have to ask for it
I don't have to cry for it
And I don't have to fight for it
So once again, here I am
Standing in front of you again
Hoping that I'll be able to pickup from where I left off
Hoping you'll forgive me
Because I didn't ignore you
I didn't forget you
And I'm sorry
Especially to you my proviso
Because I gave a thousand different excuses every single time you asked
Because I had to be the protector you never needed
Never lied though
Not to you atleast, never
Just the half truth
Take a second
Check the month
Check the week
Check the date
6th October, the first day
10th October
And finally 13th October where I gave up, happily
Time frame sound familiar? Of course it does
They always do
I knew all along exactly what it was
Let me tell you now
knowing that it won't affect us anymore
I'm sorry
Because I just didn't know
How to write a sad story
How to pour tears from my heart
How to stand in those heavy shoes
While being at the highest and happiest and the most loved in my entire existence
For that alien feeling startled me
The week the long maintained pattern died
The day I stopped feeling sad
The day I started feeling something greater and pure
Thank you for showing me a glimpse of it
For now I'm addicted to it
And now I'll dream of it
Just like I was taught
One day I will prove the universe wrong
But till then
I'm here
Back at it
Hoping the pattern won't consume me again
I'm learning to surf in the storm
I see a glimpse of light in dead darkness
Because nobody can even think of competing with the positivity in this little human
But till then
You will find me right here
With the people that give me love
I'll make you proud
For no one matters
No one else

-Your innocent author AKA Tomato-

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