𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 || 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚞𝚗𝚐

• Depression •

(20 minutes earlier)
(Jisung's pov)

I'm still shaking. I hate the way I feel right now. I hate it to the point I don't even have the words to describe it. I wanna cut my mouth, I want to remove it. I wanna forget what I did— what I let him do.

I feel guilty. Guilty and disgusted by myself. Just thinking of myself makes me wanna throw up. I feel sick.

Why. So many questions. Why does this have to happen to me? What did I do? Nothing! I didn't do anything, especially to him.

**

His mind is torturing him. His brain keeps replaying the scene over and over. He's trapped. Even if he has been laying in his bed for only a couple of minutes it feels like hours.

He was finally taken out of his thoughts by voices coming from the kitchen. He immediately recognized Felix's deep and unique voice and Hyunjin's one as well, but he could hear a third voice.

"You guys should definitely do something or SungHo surely is going to do it again."

The unknown man's voice sounded familiar.

He was tired. Exhausted. Jisung wasn't thinking straight. He swore he heard that voice before, but no faces came to his head. It drove him crazy.

It would've be easy to simply get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to see for himself, but his body didn't let him. It was like his body shut down, he had no control of it.

Jisung stayed in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He tried to focus on the voices, but they had moved to the front door or something near there, he could barely hear them now. After what seemed to be an eternity, Jisung was dragged out of his head by his phone that vibrated indicating he received a notification.

He heard the front door open and close soon after but he didn't pay attention to it because on his phone screen was the text from the person that just destroyed his self esteem he had worked really hard to have.

His finger slowly opened the notification to see what SungHo sent him. It was only a video. It was a black screen, so he couldn't see what was the video. The only way was to press play, but when he did...

No words would be strong enough to describe how he felt at this exact moment.

No need to explain again how his body reacted. The poor young man had a 3rd? 4th? Doesn't matter, the important thing is that Jisung was having another panic attack. This time he was too exhausted, too worn out to actually be shaking. His body was played out. He started crying, he was surprised he still had water in his body at this point.

Suddenly, a wave of anger took over of him. He aggressively thrown his phone at the wall in front of his bed. Letting a loud scream echoing in the small dorm, alarming his two friends. The tortured boy felt like nothing mattered anymore. With this video in SungHo's hands, his life would be his. He's fucked. Fucked.

He started to hear a buzzing. His head started to ache. He felt like throwing up, he felt dizzy. The browned haired boy placed himself to be curled up, hugging his knees. He felt like he didn't owned his body anymore. He felt like he was just a puppet. He felt like his mind was stuck in a body he lost the ownership.