to the ends of the earth

four

The next day I joined Nelson for breakfast. It had become a routine; having breakfast and dinner together. He did most of the talking, I mostly listened, which I didn’t mind.

All that I could think about was how to help Julie. I knew I couldn’t just simply drag her away from Colin, I needed something that was carefully thought out.

Which was why I invited Nelson into my cabin.

He’d grabbed a chair, while I sat down on the end of the bed.

“So,” he started, patting his knees. “What can I help you with?”

I looked up at him, taking in his kind expression. Until now, Nelson had been nothing but kind and sincere towards me, he’d been trusting, non-judgmental. If there was one person on this ship I could put my trust in, it’d be him.

“You remember last night?” I asked him. He nodded, I went on. “Well, I went after Julie like you suggested. We talked, then her fiancée showed up and she told me to hide. He went crazy, Nelson. He was so aggressive, so... controlling. She’s not safe.”

Nelson scratched at his beard, deep in his thoughts as he soaked up what I’d told him. I eyed the ring on my nightstand, glanced at Nelson and back again, before I decided it would be beneficial to tell him about it. Maybe it was something useful.

I grabbed the ring, and sat back in the same spot on the bed, fidgeting with the piece of jewellery in my hands. “I found this a few days ago.” I looked up at him, meeting his confused gaze. “The engraving told me it was Julie’s. I still haven’t given it back to her.”

Nelson still looked as confused as ever. “But why? You have talked to her, right?”

“That’s the thing,” I spoke quietly, looking down again. “Last night was the first time we’d spoken in days. It’s complicated.”

“Complicated how?”

“When she found out I knew about Colin, she told me to stay away from her,” I told him. “But that’s not the only reason I stayed away from her...”

Nelson looked even more confused than before, but he seemed to notice my fear to share what was going on. His gaze softened, and he put a hand over his heart. “You don’t have to be afraid, Ragne. You can tell me anything, I promise.”

I felt the corners of my lips rise slightly. “Really?”

He nodded determinedly. “Really.”

I took in a deep breath, knowing this would be the first time I would express this out loud. I exhaled, knowing this was the moment to be brave. “I also stayed away from her because I…” I swallowed hard, the next few words coming out like a whisper, “I think I feel things for her that I shouldn’t.”

“Romantic feelings?” he asked, as non-judgmental as ever.

I nodded silently, a feeling of shame washing over. It was quiet then, as I stared down at my hands holding that damned ring.

Moments later, I felt the mattress sink beside me.

I then felt a comforting hand on my leg. “I know most people think it’s wrong. But I’m not most people, Ragne. Love is a feeling you can’t control, so how could it ever be wrong?” He shook his head next to me. “No, it can’t be. I refuse to believe that. Love is... love.”

I was ready to be met with disgust when I’d first tell someone about my feelings towards women, but instead I was welcomed with open arms. It felt weird, being accepted for something so many resented. Yet, it was also a relief.