I believe in finding your own path. Although I grew up around it, I never felt much about religion. I grew up in the church, a small Baptist Church, on the outskirts of Ruston, Louisiana. My grandmother took all her grandchildren there anytime she could. She was a woman of God and, in her beliefs, she attempted to make all her children, children of god. She worked hard to make ends meet. I remember there always being more food and more clothes on our backs rather than hers, though it wasn't much. She always made sure we were as healthy as she could afford, and for that I am grateful. My gratefulness made me feel indebted to her. Even years after being removed from her nurturing care. My grandmother was deemed unworthy of guardianship by the state of Louisiana and because of that I was placed into foster home after foster home. Throughout each one, I learned that religion wasn't just a unique hobby of my grandmother-that I had to inherit-but rather a hobby of society. It was in our national anthem, it was in the building blocks of America and etched in our daily lives after something as little as a sneeze. I confirmed and reflected on my peers' beliefs without fully understanding them. I projected their faith, devotion, and worship, as well as their hypocrisy, ego, and hatred. I witnessed adultery, liars, hypocrisy, pedophilia, verbal and physical abuse, and the pride of my religious counterparts and I accepted them all. Yet, I never felt religious. Yes, I was bestowed a religion upon birth, and I had always attended and learned about religious beliefs, but I never felt religious. Sometime during the year 2020, my foster mom, a prophetess, decided to get all her children intimately familiar with the Bible.
"The end of the world is coming and it's time to repent for our sins so that we all may be together in heaven."
I had no problem with the daily stories. They were fascinating and oftentimes dramatic. I remember learning about the Tower of Babel. It was interesting to read because, in the present day, there isn't enough unity in humanity. We separate and categorize ourselves by the color of our skin, the continent we live in, and the language we speak. Yet in Genesis 11: 1-9, everyone spoke the same language and was able to efficiently collaborate. Humanity wanted to build a tower to the sky, so tall that it would reach the heavens. God noticed how powerful they had become, because of their unity, and he separated them to prevent them from becoming too powerful in the world he created. The whole thing confused me. Why would god be so afraid of the capability of humans? Wasn't he the same god of endless power and capabilities? And so I asked my foster mom, "Why is god so afraid of human capability?"
"God isn't afraid of humans! Why would he be afraid of us? We will never be as powerful or great as him. This is why you shouldn't be reading the Bible on your own. You don't understand."
She spoke with such an indignant roar that I became anxious. I had only then realized that my "faith" was vastly different from those who had real faith. Whenever I read a story, it always felt as though I was reading fictional literature and rules that were glorified as "righteous" felt like common sense or basic human decency. Rules deemed "sinful" seem silly to me like being forbidden to eat shellfish, or forbidding love because of a gender. I finally understood that I had no faith of my own. I didn't genuinely believe in a floating wizard in the sky. I was an empty dispenser, spewing out whatever was put inside. It took years to find my own beliefs. It took years, but I found the courage to educate myself, and walk a different path from my grandmother and foster mom and those of the like. I developed morals, perspective, open-mindedness, and tolerance. I learned to let go of hate towards those who have done me no harm. I no longer believe that I have to follow the religion my grandmother did to follow her virtues. I believe it is my morals that allow me to be open, tolerant, loving, and unbiased. I believe in finding your own path.
