The crazyness of a goth and unorthodox tattooed dervish

Modern day dervish

So, who is the first time I ever went back to basketball. But I wasn't playing today because of certain issues. And I had with an ask. Less just say that dating an older gentleman is not a good idea if you are 39 and younger. Because it's not gonna end well, especially if you are one with tattoos and Peterson, and you find that your way of dealing with the universe. That being said, I dated this older gentleman who was a real jerk. He turned out to show his true colours when I tried to apologize to him about breaking up. That being said, he was very rude and my cultures you don't be rude or anything like that without getting in trouble. I carried the burden of hatred, and the idea of the all the time every time came around to me furthest from Fridays, which is the day of rest for me. This was pretty much the unholy day for me. But I had to go in My demons, or djinn! I had to do something about this, but then me and the hatred that I was feeling and so I was building up and took over my heart and mind. I just couldn't do anything except cry I was at rock bottom! That was when I decided I was going to look at something. My friend gave me a verse from the Korean and Arabic. That would give me strength if I needed it. I looked at it on my phone constantly I have it in my assets drawer or valuables drawer, as I call it. But I don't take it out, less of what to use a frame to hang it up on. Other than that I just look at it on my phone! That gave me enough strength for me to stop crying afterwards. And I was told that I did pretty well not acting a fool or anything. Even though I was bawling my eyes out, because I wanted to get out And play with my friends I know that sounds childish, but basketball!
that being said, I was very upset that I felt like an Ebola patient with all my hatred. I'll tell you that hatred is a disease worse than Ebola or Borg. It is worse than anything else. It is even worse than the cancer. That being said I did not like the idea of dealing with the hatred that was going on, and so I even though it was to one person it was too bad for me to deal with and I couldn't handle it very much anymore so I had a cry. But I did I realize that if God can create and forgive her at the same time, so can I. As I am an artist, and an author. so if I can create Not to the extent of God, but similar, I can Actually, forgive people if I wanted to, or put my mind to it that's what I said, I was gonna forgive him after I read that From the Koran I still have a feeling it is very important to me to read this once in a while if I lose my cool. That being said, I find that there's a lot of comfort, knowing that something out there created the universe and loves people that have done good in the world. And has a load thing for people that do evil!
that being said, not Satan, I was going to deal with was trying to get in touch with my ancestry routes, and I'm not talking about schism. I am talking about the idea that I was going to go back to my religion, but with my own terms not on anyone else's terms, as I was still a tattoo nut And piercing. That being said, that's my former Sufism! A branch of Islam that people don't really think about. But that's what I am a modern day dervish. Now I believe I am, because of what I went through. This test was almost a cleansing of the soul!
Let me tell you what this did to me as we dated he ruined my whole mental health 34 years of work in the bank, trying to work on my mental health. And then all I went to crap when I was dating him for three months, that being said, I was very disturbed at half my behaviour I was doing, and had Break up with him he did not take it very well, and I did not take it very well either when he decided he was gonna act like a big, baby! Making me hate him for his immature behavior. I found it really rude and immature. That being said, I have to forgive him on that he's not an iPad or anything that is practically perfect. Instead, I had a deal with my own self and had to get over my own self, and the hatred I had for him. I never thought I would be capable of such an emotion that can cause Catastrophic event in the first place. That being said, that's why I decided to resort to cry and then revert to my Sufi route. I ended up changing my name from Elena Melanson, not legally, but as far as social media is concerned to Sophia Mustafa! This was the only way I could be human without feeling any hatred towards anyone else because there's religion you cannot hate people without being padded as a mischief maker, or worse, Someone. That being said, I didn't want to be like that, so I ended up having to go and deep when I was supporting my Friend that being saidI wanted to join back in right away. Everyone was asking why was I not playing and I couldn't really say that I hated the guy that was dating me at the time. I just couldn't say it. That just added to the self-pityeven more I never thought I'd feel that as well! Decided that I was going to read that Koran verse. And just be done with my hateful ways that I've been dealing with for the last month. I don't know what got into me for me to feel such a hateful and powerful emotion as well hate. Even though it was not geared to a group of people, it was geared the only one person that was disturbing enough for me to change my way. That being said, I still am gonna be getting tattoos and piercings, not too full extent with the piercings because I am a dervish this is my way of dealing with God or communing with God. I don't swirl around, but I am a derivation of the less I find that communication with God is through Piercing and tattooing my flash. Even though I don't do it, myself, someone else does it is very important to commune with God you find your own way to commune with them!
That being said, I don't know what the gender of this entity. But I am very interested in commuting with them in my way, as well as in the traditional Sufi way as well!