𝐈 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒

4

GRACIE

Was it a bad choice to send Emerson a message first? I felt like apologizing after leaving, and I needed her to apologize for being a complete asshole. Knowing her ego, she wouldn't apologize. That's just Emerson.

Emerson
Do you know the pain I felt when I woke up and you weren't there?

I exhale and frown because she's right; I don't know what she felt and I probably never will. That morning, I looked at her and really thought about it. I thought about staying, kissing her forehead and brushing my teeth in her apartment. I thought about making her pancakes in her robe and how I could possibly do that other mornings too.

But I stood up, took my clothes and keys, and left her apartment smelling like sex and morning breath. I thought about writing her a note but she didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve an empty apology. Emerson deserves someone who will wake up next to her and make her banana pancakes. She deserves someone who doesn't run away from her problems.

And that's not me.

Gracie
I'm sorry.

Emerson
no you're not.

I'm thrown back. What does she mean?

Emerson
if you were truly sorry, you would've came running with flowers
that morning. I wouldn't have cried that much. I would've kissed
you probably. But you never showed, and you disappointed me.

Emerson
if you were really sorry, you would have nothing to apologize
for, because you wouldn't have left that morning if you were sorry, Gracie.

I'm so grateful I chose to text her instead of talking to her in real life about this because to hear her say this to me, to hear her pain, it would make me wanna burn alive. I would stab myself with my own knife.

I'm not stupid. I saw the relief and the pure pain in her eyes when I said her scars were beautiful. It made me wanna make her feel as beautiful as I said she was. As if he was feeling my pain, Weenie came into my room and snuggled into my hip.

She cried? Emerson cried because I left her? She's disappointed in me? My head is spinning and I wanna throw up.

Gracie
you cried?

Emerson
when someone makes you feel the way you made me feel, and then leaves, the only reasonable emotion is sadness. so yes, Gracie, I cried my lungs out.

Gracie
Do you regret it?

Emerson
I should be asking that, not you. I didn't run, I hope you know that.

Emerson
I didn't text you back to fight about a stupid mistake. I'm here
to talk about tomorrow's date.

Mistake? That wasn't a mistake... that night, us, that was beautiful. The way she held me in that alleyway and made me feel worthy, that was beautiful. The look in her eyes when I fell back onto her bed, I knew I wasn't just another stranger.

How could she call it a mistake? Did I make it seem like it was a mistake? Fuck. I should've stayed that morning... I should've done everything I said I would! I messed things up. I got too close and messed everything up. We wouldn't be having this conversation right now if I had made the right choice.

Gracie
right. I'll meet you at the coffee shop across the street from your apartment.

Emerson
Did you pick up your morning coffee from there when you left?