• Everything is the same, except that it's 2005
"According to chapter 1 of 1998's Competition Act, collusion between firms could result in fines up to 10% of their worldwide turnover... Bernard, why are you showing me this?"
"Minister, you haven't read The Guardians this morning?" Bernard looked slightly puzzled.
I was confused. I took off my glass and put it on the table, "No, I haven't. This morning, for the first time in my life, I came here by tube. I had a nice little chat with some of my voters. But I don't think The Guardian is going to publish my little economy act till tomorrow. By the way, the northern line really needs some cleaning. Those seats are intolerable. Bernard, do you know how long those black stains have stayed there? There are even some suspicious yellow marks on the cushions. Someone couldn't really have peed on the tube, could they?"
"Unfortunately, minister, they do. Some people do tend to relieve themselves on the tube. As for the stains, if I remember clearly, the seats may have carried those stains with them since 1890s【1】. It's a kind of heritage, really."
Then he noticed the look on my face, and changed the subject immediately, "Anyway, minister, that's not the point." Bernard leaned over and got The Guardian for me, "Top 50 independent schools found guilty of price-fixing to push up fees." He is reading the title.
I put on my glasses and quickly scanned the article. I spotted some interesting names and schools, and nodded with a smile, "Hmm, scandalous... What a feeble defense old Henry made before the press!" I shook my head happily and decided to give Bernard a little talent show, mimicking that nasty Henry's voice, "Fees in the private schools only rise in line with costs in all the other sectors, for the obvious reason that most of the costs are staff salaries and pensions..."
At this moment, Humphrey walked in, as usual, with a stack of files in his right arm. I took no notice of him, and continued to loudly comment on the news, "He has the gut to call the investigation 'a scandalous waste of money'? Look what they've done! 'Fees had risen by more than three times the rate of inflation over the last 20 years.' I say, not many things can beat inflation these days."
"Minister! You can't hold prejudice against someone just because they've publicly criticized your environmental policy. In a democratic society, these things do happen. Sometimes one must embrace certain unjust comments with a generous heart and eventually one can show to the public that he is a genuine democratic leader."
Familiar descending tone. Familiar nonsense. Even a familiar suit. Sometimes I wonder if Humphrey needs to catch his breath. But he just proved to me that he doesn't.
"Dear Humphrey, I think he's going a bit beyond criticizing my policy. He's the one who came up with the title 'Hacker the Badger Butcher' and sent it to the Private Eye. And last month, he actually sent me a hand-written letter saying that I dressed like a toad during my September's visit to the United States. I mean, he is the headmaster of Charterhouse. Doesn't he have anything more meaningful to do? Oh, there is! Look at the numbers! The school fees of Charterhouse have risen from £11,910 in 1995 to £23,955 in 2005. What a startling figure! I can't even afford that and I am the minister of this country."
"Minister, I know this might be inappropriate. I do apologize. But you really shouldn't pair that brown and grey suit with a black polka dot tie." Bernard cut in and looked at me innocently.
Humphrey obviously remembered my costume in America. He couldn't conceal his smile but still managed to return to his work face.
"I should send something in return. That letter from Henry counts as a personal insult, don't you think? Humphrey, what should I send that old bastard?" I got a bit annoyed and started pacing around the big wooden table in my office.
