Ohio isnt all that bad

thoughts of hell

[[ hey im sorry i havent updated in a while! Hope this makes up for it ]]

After kissing josh on his stupid cheek i rushed to my car, my fingers frozen as i threw open the door. Quickly backing out of his drive i caught a glimpse of him, hand to cheek, smiling in his doorway. Maybe he isnt mad? Maybe its a trick of my eyes, seeing what i want to see. I shook my head and thought nothing more of it as i navigated the icy roads towards my house. I instead thought about hell and what it would be like to go there-
[This little bit is going to be slightly based around the part in John Dies At The End where Dave and Amy are talking before the stuff with Korrok]
-'hell would be like screams. Screams and your enemy's laughter seeping into your mind. You suffer through hearing it for the rest of your life. You relive your worst moments, those stupid half seconds when you knew that they weren't playing. That the other boys on the basketball team could beat you up. They pushed you down and right then, when you looked up at their sickening grins you knew. You fucking knew that no one was gonna come. That the coach wasnt gonna break it up this time. This time nobody is going to come for your rescue. Your screams? They fall on deaf ears, the sound of fists hitting skin, the sounds of bones cracking. These are the sounds of hell. And in hell, those boys, they have forever. All of eternity to do what they want with you. Yeah sure you wont have a body they can cut or burn or bruise. You wont have bones they can break, no wrist they can snap. But when you think about it, thats not the worst pain is it? Pain has nothing to do with spilled blood or shattered fingers. Pain isnt hiding the black eye from your mother for fear she'll have you homeschooled again. Fear is total submission. Torment, deprivation. That feeling of hopelessness, the same feeling you got in the pit of your stomach when they smirked and spit on your broken body. Because the dead never tire. They never sleep and down there? You can never truly die. They stay there with you. They stay, pounding, punching. They wait until you think theyre gone and they pounce again. They grab your head and hold you under the frigid waters of fear and they stay there. They stay  until you feel like you should be dead. Then you remember. You already are.' My mind runs wild with thoughts like these, its not often i give them the time of day but when i do? It's usually something like this, beautiful in essence, but if you told anyone? Youd get holed up in some quiet, soft walled room. I thought back to the envelope and i wished the world would swollow me whole. I pulled into my drive and got out of my car, the cold wind biting at my cheeks. I count the steps up to the door 'one..two..three..' i hope josh isn't mad about the photos '..six..seven..eight.' eight steps from the car to the front door. If you wanted you could clear it in four with a nicely aimed toss of your body onto the porch. I stepped inside and noticed that my phone, which i had left behind, showed 2 missed calls from Josh and 16 texts. I decided not to open them. I didnt want to hear the 'ill let you down easy but i think this thing between us needs to end' speech. The pity filled voicemails. The drunken calls, mostly from my side, that never get answered because after the first one they block your number. But, what i dont know was that the messages were nothing of the sort. In fact josh felt 'flattered that id waste paper and ink on him like that' he also said that 'i should have kept the photos and gotten them framed' he thinks i have a nice talent and that maybe we should get together for lunch and talk more about the photos, and maybe he'll make copies and i can have the originals back. He didnt mention the kiss, but its not like i wanted him to.