Too Little, Too Late

41

The water in the tub was warm and soothing against Ayra's skin. It was also a mix of colours, courtesy of the bath bombs they'd put in. Behind her, Ibrahim was really warm and as she toyed with the water and its bubbles, she couldn't help but smile sadly.

As had become their norm, they were doing everything she'd always wanted but the sanctuary of it all had since been broken and she was always left feeling the opposite of what she was supposed to feel.

Ibrahim, on the other hand, felt lighter than he'd done in days. There was still a heaviness weighing down on him but in that moment, with Ayra's bare back flush against his bare chest, he found beautiful peace that he knew better than to not appreciate. He watched as she toyed with the water and when he couldn't help himself, he softly kissed her exposed shoulder.

"You're unusually quiet." He said softly, as though he'd ruin the serenity of the moment if he was any louder. "I didn't get to ask earlier if you're okay. The security said you left because you weren't feeling too good."

"I didn't like the event." She told him, her voice as quiet as his. "Don't get me wrong, there was nothing wrong with it, but I didn't feel like a part of it all and I didn't have it in me to stay for much longer."

His chest squeezed a little. "You should have called me."

Her smile stretched slightly. "I didn't want to disturb your discussion with Dad. Seeing how you couldn't come up to see the room I'd been given, I knew it had to be important so...Besides, Ibty was with me so it was alright. I should have texted you to let you know I was leaving but it was the last thing on my mind. Sorry."

He wrapped his arms around her middle, resting his chin on her right shoulder. "I should be the one apologising, Ayra. I'm sorry my family's not what you want them to be."

Ayra found herself pushing tears back down before they even surfaced. She blew out a quick breath. "It's fine. I mean, we can't always get what we want so..." She let a moment pass. "Your parents don't seem to like the squad very much. It's never been so obvious. It's as though there's a rift between them and they don't want to build a bridge across it."

The minute that followed was silently long and just when Ayra thought he'd say something to brush it under the carpet, Ibrahim surprised her with sincerity.

"They don't like the squad much. My parents, I mean."

This time, she couldn't hold the tears back. Her vision slowly blurred. "Why?"

His chin still on her shoulder, Ibrahim's vision blurred too. "As business partners, my parents think the squad and I make a great team. As friends though, they're convinced I could have done better. Mum once said the squad would only ruin me and Dad said I'll make sacrifices that the squad won't appreciate until I have nothing more to give."

Her chest twisted. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "And you? Do you feel like the squad would only ruin you and that you'll only make sacrifices until you have nothing more to give?"

A tear slid down Ibrahim's cheek when he blinked. Another minute passed before he replied, telling her the honest truth. "I don't know anymore, Ayra. It feels like I don't know who I am anymore and that I'm trying to hold onto so many things that are determined to slip through my fingers...I don't know anymore."

A tear slid down her cheek and another one followed. "Sometimes, no matter how much you love something, you have to let it go." Just like I'm going to have to, she completed in her head. "If it gets to the point that you no longer feel like yourself, you can let things go. It'll hurt but love shouldn't be about you sacrificing yourself for a person or for people who won't do the same for you. You shouldn't have to fill shoes that don't fit, no matter how much you love someone or no matter how much you've loved them."