crystal moon reviews✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The Lethal Heptagon

The Lethal Heptagon by PeterDH2

Disclaimer: 

These are simply my opinions and are not intended to hurt or upset any author. If you do not agree with my thoughts, that is completely fine! As an author myself, I always appreciate constructive criticism, and that is what I have tried to provide.

Plot 7/10

I like the use of the prologue – it gives a nice backstory to our main character and an insight into their relationship with Allegra. The chapters so far begin to world and character build however I can see that there is still a lot more to learn about and this will come as your book progresses. At the minute, there is not a lot of originality, however I appreciate that your story is only just starting and I think you have created some nice foundations for a broader plot.

Characters 10/10

Lucas: In chapter one, you described Lucas' panic very well! "My heart was beating so vigorously to the extreme where it seemed like it was going to detonate me," is a fabulous way to describe Lucas' distress. Furthermore, when Lucas begins to bleed because of the vase, it really tells your reader his frustration. In chapter two, I like the introduction of Lucas' homelife – showing how he feels trapped and cannot express himself. I also like that Dante is conducting his own investigation into their mother. We begin to get a small look into the protagonists background, which made me feel more connected to the character.

Allegra: the descriptions of Allegra are beautiful. Your use of language is perfect. In the action in prologue the use of first person is cleverly chosen to see the perspective of Lucas, however, you have also embedded Allegra's thoughts and feelings well – well done!

Writing Style 8/10

Examples I like:

"Stars that flooded the sky" (prologue) – lovely use of language here – a nice way to set the scene.

"Only the bats were heard solfeating some stunning melodies" (prologue) – good way to outline setting, however I am not sure if solfeating is in the English language – do correct me if I am wrong!

"Emitted like rays of the sun" (chapter 1) – good way to show how much the light is inconveniencing Lucas in this moment.

"Allegra began to struggle...causing crystalline tears...got irritated" (chapter 3) – I really like this whole paragraph, it really shows the cruelty of the perpetrators and shows how helpless Lucas is feeling.

Nice use of Dante's POV in chapter 3.

Corrections:

"We've got prepared," (prologue) – grammatically, I would suggest that you change this to "we are prepared".

"Orange" (prologue) – does not need capitalisation as it is used as an adjective here.

"The waves of the sea?,yes" (prologue) – I suggest you change this to "The waves of the sea? Yes."

"Whether" (chapter 1) – spelling error, should be "whether".

"Even "I" believed I was a forensic for some time" (chapter 1) – here I would put the 'I' in italics rather than speech marks. It may also be beneficial to suggest that Lucas is pretending to be a forensic INVESTIGATOR.

Chapter 3 as a whole has quite a few punctuation errors – maybe take some time just to read over this chapter and add in a few commas and full stops – specifically in your dialogue.

Pacing 10/10

Your pacing is fabulous. Each chapter, paragraph, description has it's purpose and creates nice pacing. Each chapter ends with an appropriate cliff-hanger, which made me want to read further.

Readability 9/10 *********

Apart from some minor grammar errors, I believe that this story is extremely readable.