Is This My Life?(Completed)

Week 7~ Sunday

Waking up this morning, I simply had no words. I sort of felt as if I had imagined the whole scene with Amanda last night, but at the same time, I know good and well that I didn't... She kissed me; and I kissed her back. Something I'd never done before.

The morning went by pretty quietly. Amanda had actually ended up sleeping in, so it was several hours before I actually saw her. I helped Kimberly make breakfast, woke the kids, and began serving when Hunter went to go wake her up; I was terrified.

Going through my mind were all sorts of possibilities, a lot of stuff about, "Well... What if she thinks it was a mistake? or that I'd tricked her, or something?" That was the sort of thought which scared me the most.. What if she thought that I had forced her to kiss me? I would never do something like that, but.. Does she know that?

Much to my relief, breakfast went smoothly. Despite the initial awkwardness on my end, it was as if Amanda remembered nothing, and.. Maybe she didn't? Maybe I did just imagine or dream it? That'd make sense, because she's my best friend.. Aside from Hunter, that is.

Though... Why would I dream of kissing Amanda, instead of Hunter? That'd have been the more 'appropriate' option, right? I mean.. I know I should think that way, but I just don't see it like that. What's wrong with wanting to kiss Amanda? Aside from the fact she'll soon be my sister, that is.. I know I should think it's wrong since we're both girls, but I'm just not one to think that way.

Is that a bad thing? Should I be ashamed beyond belief for having such a desire? For acting on such a desire, even if only in my mind?

I don't know... But, I do know that every now and again throughout the day, she'd send me these little looks... Just a glance, here and there. There was so much emotion in those little looks, so many words that I couldn't figure out. I know it'd be best just to talk  to her, for the two of us to try and work out what we feel, but I don't even know what I feel.. How could I explain it to her, none the less understand what she says and feels?

A sigh leaves my lips just as Amanda turns the corner and causes  the solitude of the living room to leave me. I give her a weak smile which she returns. 

"Um.. Think I could sit in here with you..? The kids are all napping, and I don't really know where everyone else is..." I could hear the nervousness in her voice, and no matter how badly I wanted to just get up and walk away, I couldn't bring myself to do it... So, instead, I nod with a smile. "Sure!"

At that moment, I honestly wanted to slap myself... 'C'mon, Harley... You're supposed to distance yourself from her, not let her sit with you, alone...' I shake my head slightly, lifting up the blanket beside me for her to join me. She slowly walks over, sitting beside me and covering her legs with the small throw, same as I'd done.

I can't help the short chuckle which leaves my lips a moment later as I take in our positions. Amanda turns to me, hazel eyes showing curiosity as an eyebrow quirks. "What's funny?" 

I can tell that her mind immediately went to the kiss we shared last night, thinking I'd laughed at that memory. To dismiss that fear, I shake my head and smile. "I just can't help but think... Sat on the couch like this, I feel like we really look like moms, already. All we need is the little kids on our laps, a story book held in front of them as we read them to sleep."

This brings a smile to Amanda's face as well, and it just makes my own a bit wider. 

We sit silent for a moment, both of us with hands rested on our stomachs as we just stare ahead of us. Both lost in thought. And I imagine, lost in the same thought.