Silent Night

10 - Holy Night

LENA POV

Stef looks so lost right now as I turn to see her standing where I just left her, and I know that I'm being unfair. I'm actually shocked to see her here and having approached me at that. She was very beautiful like always, and the sight of her had truly shocked me for she has been so incredibly angry and cold with me lately, and I deserve it. I really do because I realized that I pushed her into breaking up with me even when that wasn't my intent. My sheer anxiety and begging had pushed her over the edge, and why shouldn't it have?

It's hard enough to have Dana Adams as my mother, but to have to deal with her when you don't really have to? I don't blame Stef one single bit even if I don't agree with her that she doesn't belong in my world. I never ever belonged in that world which is why I came here....to this town.

I'm broken out of my thoughts as I see the lights dim, and I quickly head back to my seat where I don't even think as I gently grab Stef's hand and sit. She sits next to me, not looking my way as the minister greets us, and I don't let go of her hand for anything. Her skin is so soft, and I remember how safe I've always felt with her as the choir begins to sing Away in a Manger.

Stef links our fingers making my heart rate pick up. I super focus on the music, not daring this moment to end as I soon feel her eyes on me in the dim lighting as she leans in and whispers, "I thought you ran away from me....."

Gulping I look over at her and whisper back, "Why are you here, Stef? I thought-"

"I told you. Frankie is singing, and I wouldn't miss it for anything. That girl....she...."

I squeeze her hand and nod as her voice catches. We both look at the platform as someone pushes a button and soft snow begins to fall and Frankie walks up to the microphone, the soft spotlight on her. I can't help but quickly wipe my eyes as I smile widely. I can't get over how she is no longer a child. I can still see her long curls falling down her back with a bow in her head and two front teeth missing as she has sung here for years.

She's now 19, and her curls are still long, but no longer does she look like that baby that I see her as in my head as the piano and a cello begin to play Silent Night, and her voice rings out across the room, and I don't even realize that tears are falling down my face.

Silent night, holy night
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories streams from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing, alleluia
Christ the savior is born, he's born
Christ the savior is born
Round yon virgin, mother and child
Holy infant, so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace, oh
Sleep in heavenly peace...

I close my eyes for a bit as I see her toothless smile as she pushes off down the sledding hill after the first snow of the season. Squealing all the way down, Stef catches her at the bottom, and she jumps off her sled as she throws her arms around her neck. Stef had always, ALWAYS been there for Frankie since we became friends way back when she was little. She was a constant. A place of peace and hope, and I had always loved her, but we never synced up. Never, and even now as I hold her hand, my mind is wondering if we ever would be. Maybe we were destined to just be friends...that constant, safe space through different phases of our lives.

My mind continues to wander for the rest of the service as Stef never lets go of my hand for anything, and I don't either. Even when the choir stands for one last song of We Wish You a Merry Christmas and we all stand to our feet, she holds my hand as if it's the last time we will, and as the lights go out on the stage, I look over at the still light candles at the end of the long row and sigh softly as Stef turns to look at me.

"Lena....."

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STEF POV

Her soft, brown eyes meet mine as I see a sadness in them that I hate so much. I never could take it when she was sad. I always had this need to make it better....to see her smile. To know that she was happy, no matter what, and even when she was dating other people, that was always deep within me....that need to see her happy even if she wasn't mine. But this time....this time I had bailed. I had dug in and not listened to her side of things, and in the end, I hadn't stopped to think that she had left that world behind to live a simpler life and to make her own way with her daughter as a single mom.

I hadn't allowed myself to think of her side in this, but had immediately eliminated myself from her world and had allowed her mother's involvement with pushing Christopher back towards Lena to cloud my judgement. I already knew that Lena had a very difficult relationship with her mother. I knew that Dana didn't care for me, and I knew that she'd forever try to get us to not be together, but in the end, I hadn't stopped and allowed Lena to explain her side....to tell me her heart, and I was the one to call it quits.

It was that fear...that fear that I never was good enough for this woman. The fear that she would wake up and realize she really did belong in that world in which she had grown up...even after all of this time...19 almost 20 years. And that fear had me opening my mouth and breaking it off with the love of my life long before my brain could compute what I was saying, and now as she stands in front of me in this almost magical setting, my heart is in my throat as I feel tears in my own eyes.

"Lena, I'm sorry. I...I love you, and I never stopped. I made a mistake, and I'm sorry...." I whisper as she continues to look at me as Frankie walks up now and grins widely.

"Hey, Stef! You came!"

I let go of Lena's hand now as I pull her in for a big hug, and she hugs me back warmly. "Congratulations, honey. I'm so proud of you," I whisper in her ear as she pulls back, and I reach over to grab the flowers I had brought for her. "These are for the star."

"I'm so glad to see you, Stef," she blushes as she takes the flowers, and I wink at her as I squeeze her hand.

"I wouldn't miss it for anything, baby. Are you hungry?"

"For a cheeseburger and chili fries?" she grins widely now as I burst out laughing, for that had always been her favorite meal for as long as I could remember.

"Frankie," Lena laughs softly as we exit the church, and I hand my keys to Frankie.

"Go ahead and open up then lock the doors. I'm not opening for the whole town. Your mom and I will catch up," I smile as she knowingly nods and walks off, leaving Lena and I alone.

I manage to grab Lena's hand as we continue walking as we soon reach the town's gazebo, and she stops to look at me.

"So, what were you trying to say back there, Stef?"

I blink back the tears that threaten to spill once more as I pull her into my arms and kiss her deeply, feeling as if I'm back home, and in this moment, it all feels so right. I never want to take this woman and her daughter for granted again in this life. We've managed to do this same song and dance for years on end, and it served us both nothing as I finally pull back and look deeply into her eyes.

"I want to come home, baby."

THE END