The Blue Box

''All lives end. All hearts are broken. Except for those who are immortal and do not require organs.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Good evening, listeners! I must say it is a very good evening indeed. The Sheriff's secret police would like me to remind you that pet cacti are now illegal. That's right, Night Vale, cacti are illegal to have as pets. You may, however, keep your cacti in your home if you either pay them to watch your children or have them sign a contract. As this is a reminder, you should have already known this before and shame on you if this is the first you've heard of it.

I've just received some news. Old Woman Josie, out by the car lot, reported that a box has appeared in the middle of her yard and that the angels actually didn't do anything to summon it this time. She described the box as tall and blue, like the others, and with a light on top, not like the others. It faded into existence with a peculiar scraping and groaning sound, before just sitting there in silence. More on this later.

The Night Vale Public Library would like to announce the opening of a librarian-free shelf of the children's section, where anyone can be safe without having to carry around librarian repellent. This single shelf holds one book, How to Draw Cartoon Animals, and as this book is the most dangerous in the entire library, no children are allowed within ten feet of it. Concerned parents have reportedly tried to get the distance increased to at least three and a half miles.

As the temperature rises in our little town, citizens are asked to be on the lookout for suspicious fires. Any fires that are dark green and seem to suck out the light surrounding them should be reported immediately to the Sheriff's secret police. Plaid fires may be allowed to burn unreported, unless there is any sign of dark green in their pattern.

Attention, listeners! An important update on the blue box in Old Woman Josie's yard. The doors have opened. I repeat, the doors have opened. I do not know what this means, whether we are able to pretend to be safe or are all headed to our immediate demise. I'm listening through the headset now. Intern Clarisse is at the scene. There is a tall, thin man stepping out of the box now. His hair is wild, but apparently groomed to be that way. He wears a blue pinstripe suit and has eyebrows that are so strong they could join the Boy Scouts. He is beautiful, yet confused by our little town of Night Vale...

And now, a word from our sponsors.

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More on the blue box situation. The box itself seems to open up on the inside. While on the outside it is smaller than the broadcasting booth I currently reside in, the inside, according to Intern Clarisse, could hold the entirety of Night Vale, and probably Desert Bluffs, too. I disagree, listeners. There is no way you can fit the utter horror of Desert Bluffs into a box, no matter how much bigger on the inside it-

I hear the man now. The man from the blue box. He's speaking to me through Clarisse's microphone. I do not know where she has gone. 'Hello?' He asks. His voice is British of some sort. 'Why are you narrating all this? Is this a radio show? What's your name?' I cannot respond to this voice at the moment, dear listeners, but I can hear a sharp buzzing in my headset. I cannot hear anything more. Intern Clarisse is probably lost. To the family of Clarisse, we here at the station extend our gratitude for her service and our most sincere apologies. And now, dear listeners, the weather.''

~~~

''Listeners, the man from the box is outside my booth right now. I can't quite read his lips, as he is speaking very quickly, but he is passing a grey tool of some kind with a glowing blue tip over station management's door! This man must be fearless, for I find myself shivering at the very thought of provoking station management's wrath. I can only hope he hears this broadcast before it is too late for all of us.

Wait! He's turning! The man is approaching my booth, and passing the same tool over my doorknob.''

Click

''The man is approaching my desk, and I simply must ask him to leave.''

''Sorry, er...''

''Cecil.''

''Sorry, Cecil. Great name, by the way, once knew a man named Cecil. Lovely guy. I have to borrow the mic for a while.''

Shuffle scrape tap tap bziiiiiii

''Right. Hello. I'm the Doctor. I don't know what's going on here, but I'm trying to help fix everything. No one panic.''

Shuffle thud grind

''Excuse me, but who do you think you are? I suggest you get in your box and disappear again. I believe I speak for every citizen when I say that our little Night Vale is not going to be changed by you.''

Scrape bziiiiiiii shuffle shuffle Slam

''Sorry about that, Night Vale. I've just gotten the Doctor out of my booth. This man must be crazy! If he comes in a box, then he must know what's going on here. I fear that in his quest to 'fix' Night Vale, he may break the law. So citizens, I urge you to tell the man to go back into his box and leave. As the old saying goes, 'If it ain't broke, don't appear in a box to try to fix it.'

And now, I leave you with these last words of advice. Next will be thirty seconds of a hissing sound, followed by repetition of the letter B for the next hour.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.