It All Started with a Lie

Chapter 20

I am angry that I starved my brain and that I sat shivering in my bed at night instead of dancing or reading  or reading poetry or eating ice cream or kissing a boy...
~ Laurie Halse Anderson

A/N
This chapter is a long one so settle in and get comfy <3

Chapter 20
Her POV
TW: eating disorders and bullying

I climb the steps to my apartment after deciding to take the stairs rather than the elevator to burn off the extra calories I'd eaten after trying to beat Richard in a cheeseburger eating competition. I won, but I am paying for it now. I've never felt so sick from eating so much, but I scarfed down three cheeseburgers in ten minutes.

I unlock the door to my empty apartment and am greeted by a dark living room and only the sound of the door creaking. I wanted to move in with Richard when she finished highschool, but I know she can never leave her brothers. Sonny will be graduating soon and he has dreams of going to a fashion school in New York, and if he goes, she'll either stay with Klaus or move in with my brother and I will still be coming home to an empty apartment.

I turn on all the lights to make it look like there is something worth being here for and head to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Richard was going to stay the night, but Klaus is already staying out at a frat party, and she doesn't want Sonny to be home alone. When we lived together, my brother and I never even knew when the other was home, we would just occasionally run into each other in the kitchen at three in the morning. 

My bathroom is the only room in the house that is not perfectly tidy. While the rest of my apartment is spotless, and practically empty,  my bathroom is littered with makeup, body lotion and curling irons of all sizes. I clean it weekly but it never seems to escape the tornado that is me getting ready each morning. I figure, now that I am in too much discomfort to sit down, and would rather stay moving to walk off the fullness of my stomach, it is a good time to clean up.

I clear off my counter first, wiping off my makeup and setting it in my makeup bag. My favorite setting powder is broken after I dropped it on the floor a few days ago—I am heartbroken—so I take a detour in cleaning to repair it with rubbing alcohol before returning. The detour takes a half hour but when I am back in business, I tidy the room in no time.

I set all my curling wands, irons, and straighteners in the biggest drawer of the cabinet after wrapping the cords and securing them with twist ties. I rinse off my shower bottles, put the towels to wash, change out the floor mat, and then I decide the tub, toilet, and sink are in need of a scrubbing, but when I realize that, I find a red stain on the marble countertop from my lipstick and it takes top priority. I will not get my deposit back if I stain the marble.

Suddenly panicked, I scour my bathroom closet for a magic eraser to remove the stain. It has been months since I've had to use one and I no longer remember where I put them, but I know I have them.

When the closet comes up empty I move on to the sink cabinet. In it is a variety of cleaning supplies, trash bags, and bath related gifts from relatives that I will never use and have been giving away to people I do not like for their birthdays. I pull out the bubblegum scented bath set that comes in a mini pink bathtub that my aunt, who I have only seen twice in my life, sent me as a graduation present. That one will be going to Emma. I set it aside and keep digging until nearly everything has been pulled out of the cabinet and my bathroom is as messy as when I started, but I find what I am looking for. The magic erasers sit in the back corner after months of being pushed further and further into the cabinet from lack of use.

I cheer in success and grab one out and as I do, the scale that had somehow maneuvered itself under, falls and clatters to the bottom of the cabinet. I forgot I owned one. My mother got it for me when I bought my first apartment. Her assistant gave it to me at my housewarming party. I should have thrown it away, but I couldn't bring myself to. And I know that I should leave it in the cabinet; I have been doing well for years, but there is a temptation that lingers as I stare at it and cannot stop myself from pulling it out.