Deceiving the Viscount

Chapter 12A

Julia awoke at the sound of water splashing. She blinked, her eyes feeling terribly swollen and puffy. Then she remembered the long crying bout she'd had, where every emotion and negative thought she'd held in for the last twelve months had come spewing out. And she remembered how Frederica had held her in her arms, rocking her, smoothening her hair, rubbing her back.

She was a little embarrassed by the whole incident yet she felt all the more lighter for it, as if she'd shed a heavy burden. She could breathe easily for the first time in a long time.

Pushing herself up to a sitting position, she stretched her arms up and out. Refreshed was what she was. Like a new person again. She was ready to take on the world!

Peeking her head out of her drawn bed hangings, she spied her lady's maid. "Good morning, Ann."

"Good morning, Miss Marl—ack! What's happened to your eyes? They look all...frog-like."

Frog-like? "Nothing serious."

"Nothing serious? You best take a look, miss." Ann rushed to get a hand mirror and held it up.

Julia tried to hide her shock. "I...I really do look like a frog. Do you have any idea what might help?"

"I'd get one of the maids to fetch some ice chips. That might help the swelling go down."

Julia tilted her head left and right to examine the extent of the puffiness in the mirror. "Will it last long?"

"A few hours to say the least. But all should be well by the time you have to dress and leave for the soiree you're attending tonight at Lord and Lady Carrington's townhouse."

"No afternoon calls today then, I suppose." At Ann's head shake, she bit her lip. "I hope Mama won't be too disappointed."

"Mayhap her ladyship will be understanding when she sees you like this."

"Mayhap." She wasn't looking forward to that conversation with her mother. "Have a breakfast tray sent up, won't you, Ann? I shan't go down until much later. Much much later."

She spent the morning in bed with the ice chips wrapped in cloth over her eyes though water kept running down her temples as the ice melted. And later two spoons that had been stuck in the ice for a while. But she could do nothing else as she laid in bed except think. And her conversation with Frederica yesterday during her cry was the thing that kept repeating itself.

"Julia, all this unhappiness you've carried inside, it can't have been very helpful to you."

"No, but I had no one to tell. I didn't know how to tell Mama that I was not successful as a debutante. Or that I want the things she wants for me, a loving marriage. Or at least not any longer."

"What do you mean?"

"Before Art...Shearing had to go off on his Grand Tour, he...he proposed. And I accepted because I loved him so. But we told no one about it. I hadn't yet had my debut yet then. It was a few months more until I would be presented at court. And Mama had talked endlessly about me having a Season, about the parties, the dresses, the entertainment. I thought she might not like it that I was engaged before my debut, so I begged him not to tell my parents. He agreed reluctantly after I promised him that even though I was in London for the season, I'd not fall in love with anyone else while he was away.

"We tried to write to each other while he was away. But I never knew if my letter would reach him in time before he moved on to his next destination. But in the event he'd receive one, I made sure to be cheerful in my letters but I was having a terrible time while in London. I made no friends for I was singular in my love for astronomy. And I was never very ladylike which Mama had longed fretted over. I suppose having many brothers, both older and younger, had made me that way."