No Strings Attached

Chapter Ten

“You’re still going?” Tori’s eyes darted in disbelief between Jayden, who was clenching down on the corner of his lip with his teeth forcefully with concentration, and Shannon, who was carefully folding clothes and packing the holdall despite the almost untraceable tremor in her hands.

“Yes,” Shannon muttered, refusing to look over at her friend – at the pleading, beseeching look in her tempestuous violet eyes, “I’m still going Tor, I’ve put it off long enough now. I need those papers signed as soon as possible, I’m running out of funds!”

“I’ll loan it to you! Just please, don’t go Shan! He’s a maniac, please, just stay here!”

Shannon threw her flannel tracksuits aside in a heavy pile angrily, “I won’t put myself and my own fucking shit to the side for a man again! He’s not going to have me cowering away like some frightened little mouse because of a damn phone call, who the fuck does he think he is?” her voice was almost an angry roar by the end, and Ava’s feeble wail floated through the walls so that Tori marched off with a frustrated exhale.

She stopped at the door frame, one hand resting on the polished wood as she turned back to Shannon, “You were having a panic attack five minutes ago, and now you’re fucking off to London with a lunatic on your tail, and I don’t even think you’re ready to be back there regardless,” she shook her head sadly, “I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, Shan, I can’t even begin to imagine. But don’t push me away, please. You can’t win a game you don’t know the rules to; I’m not asking you to hide, I’m asking you to be careful – there’s a massive difference.”

Shannon turned away, her eyes looking out over the garden – filled with flowers and picnic tables, a garden swing, and even a slide that Ava was years too young to play with – and she’d never felt so completely alone.

“This isn’t my safe haven,” her voice had lost its steam, it was completely flat.

“Then where is?” Tori muttered softly, “You barely stand still long enough to find out.”

Dead silence lingered in her wake, as Shannon quietly continued her packing while Jayden stayed slouched against the wall, watching her.

“She just wants to be there for you Shannon,” he said quietly, “You can’t punish everyone in your life that wants to reach out to you. I get it ...”

A harsh sound burst free from her lips – an oddly emotionless sound that floated somewhere between a sob and a vacant, empty exhale.

“No, Jayden, I don’t think you do. We aren’t the same person, just because we both felt the back of Daddy’s hand a few times too many,” pulling her arms around her front, she stared down at the piles of meaningless things she had lying on the bed in front of her, “I see you, Jay. I know it kills you some mornings not to grab them both in your arms and never let them go. Tori’s so special – she’s like purity personified, and she’s someone that you should absolutely treasure until your dying day, because I don’t believe you’d have had your fairy tale ending with anybody else. There’s nothing like that left for me, Jay. That’s a ship that sailed, struck an iceberg, and I drowned somewhere out there on the raft. I’m not broken – broken implies that I could somehow be fixed. I’m fucking ruined, there’s no coming back from that.”