Covet

Chapter 10: Boyfriend

　　I feel like I should at least develop a serious illness to justify this cold rain and days of continuous tension. The last time we had such heavy rainfall was that winter when I was still with Xiao Ran. At that time, he had been battling a cold for over half a month, even with medication, there was not much improvement. Despite taking a leave of absence, he refused to stay home, and came running to my apartment under the guise of tutoring. However, in reality, he wanted to go see the snow on the mountains. I tried to stop him, but he insisted, claiming he had made an appointment.

It was then that I learned how being in love softens even one's temperament. When he was squatting on the floor packing his bag, I stood in front of him and handed him the medicine. He looked up at me and smiled, the fingers receiving the medicine were warm.

That was one of the secrets I willingly kept for him.

However, he wasn't as cheerful when he returned. He kicked open my apartment door and stared at the hot pot gathering steam on the table where I was having dinner with my friends. He was drenched from head to toe. Back then, I still had friends, but now we haven't been in touch for a long time.

He slammed the door shut, coughing violently in my bedroom. I put down my chopsticks, entered the room, and asked, "Are you okay?" He shook his head and patted the edge of the bed beside him. I didn't sit, mentioning there were still guests outside. He covered his head, fidgeting with his fingers.

"What's wrong, a breakup?"

"No," he looked up at me, "it hasn't even started yet, and maybe it never will."

Honestly, I felt very sorry about it.

I couldn't continue with that gathering. After explaining the reasons to my friends, I called a cab for him and saw heavy rain pouring outside as I escorted him to the door. Following this rain, Xiao Ran was ill all winter. He would sleep with me and always liked to stick his feet close to me to warm them up.

Thinking about this, I began to feel the torment born from the irreparable distance between memories and reality.

I turned out of the alley and ran towards Xiao Ran's shop. The roller shutter was halfway open, so I lifted it and went inside. The first floor was empty, and the lobby was silent. I walked lightly and went up to the second floor. The toilet door on the second floor was closed, with the sound of flushing. As I approached, I glimpsed a blood-stained garment stuffed in the trash can. Just as I crouched down to inspect it, the sound of the door handle being twisted rang out...

I didn't look at him, still staring at the piece of clothing. I asked him, 'Did you help Zhang Shuxian?' But Zhang Shuxian didn't have any blood on him. Why would there be blood on his clothes?

"Teacher, everything is over. You don't need to worry," he said, reaching over to tie the garbage bag.

"Did I not teach you that you shouldn't do illegal things? Did I not tell you not to get another person's blood on your hands?" I swung a fist towards his face, and he bumped into the wardrobe, sliding down. I grabbed his shirt and scolded loudly, 'Are you crazy? Why did you go to help Zhang Shuxian?'"

　"Why did I wanted to help Zhang Shuxian?" Xiao Ran gripped my hand tightly, "You said you wanted to help him go to jail... When you found out he had someone's blood on his hands, you said you'd help him take the blame. When you find out I might have committed a crime, you rush up to hit me?"

Upon hearing this, the first thought that flashed in my mind was: Where was Xiao Ran at that time? How did he hear about all this? Then, I stammeringly answered his question, "Because I always felt, I felt that you still had hope, you can be saved."

"Then save me," Xiao Ran lay down, his wet hair dripping water onto the floor. His eyes were bright, reminiscent of his teenage appearance, both wicked and obedient.

"Okay, I killed Zhong Li." I pursed my lips, turned around, and tore open the garbage bag, taking out the clothes.

"Don't." Xiao Ran held my hand, and opened his palm, revealing a USB drive. He said, "This is what Zhang Shuxian wanted. Zhong Li crawled towards its hiding place until he was about to die. I took it away, and he must hate me for it. When he was put into the ambulance, I threatened him that if he didn't come out of the operating room alive today, I would make its contents public. I feel like he won't die. Teacher, I didn't have time to assist Zhang Shuxian. At that time, I was with you, listening to the sound of rain outside for a long time."

"I'm sorry..." I sat on the floor, leaning against the bed, feeling somewhat lost.

"I'm handing it over to you. You can decide whether to give it back to Zhang Shuxian or to Zhong Li."

"What exactly is inside it?" I took it, unsure of how to deal with it.

　　"I advise you not to watch it; it's easy to guess. Zhong Li and Zhang Shuxian had a romantic relationship. What do you think it could be? It's... very private things."

I seemed to understand a bit. Zhang Shuxian was a sensitive and prideful person, and once the relationship ended, he likely found the existence of such things insulting. It was not difficult to understand. But why would Zhong Li rather die than hand it over?

"Go take a shower and change your clothes. Don't catch a cold." Xiao Ran held my right hand. With his support, I stood up. However, he didn't release my hand; instead, he gently let it go and led me forward. He couldn't finish this journey; midway, he collapsed straight to the floor.

Blood seeped through his clothes around his waist and abdomen, and the sleeves were slowly turning red.

The blood on that garment might be his own.

On the way to the hospital, I leaned down in the ambulance, approached his ear, and whispered, "After you're discharged, shall we live together like before?"

Despite the countless lies and complexities in my relationship with Xiao Ran, carrying admiration for others and resisting each other's constraints and care, constantly changing relationships, full of suspicion and estrangement, I accepted his words: "Everyone wants you to turn over a new leaf, but I'm willing to go astray with you."

　　Where are these "everyone"? There's no one else who cares about whether I'm good or bad or whether I live or die.

I sat on a bench outside the hospital room, feeling the half-dry sleeve cuffs. I looked into the room and could only see the foot of the bed. Unconsciously, I curved my lips and smiled.

Turning around, a person in a suit rushed toward me and entered the room. I followed him, wanting to stop him.

He asked toward the bed, "How did you get injured? Who did this?"

"An escaped criminal, a person in the intensive care unit in a critical condition, both of them stabbed me." Xiao Ran tilted his head, noticed me standing behind, and raised his chin, "He's the new steward at my house."

"He is?" The steward turned around and examined me.

Xiao Ran said proudly and cheerfully, "My boyfriend."